Womp womp.

You’re snatching up the wrong asshole, Death. I mean, take this prick too. But…come on. You know the one we really want shuffled off to hell.

I think a square of gauze on his ear would be much more effective.

We’re shaking.

“Security scare.” Oh, for fucks sake.

Poop from a butt.

It’s almost like it’s planned in advance, and that the secret service is letting these people through on purpose. Aww shucks, what do I know? I’m just a guy with two functioning eyeballs…

I was very young the one time I visited South Carolina with my parents, so my memory is admittedly a bit hazy - this place is in Charleston, right?

When fucking TMZ is doing more for American journalism than the NYT, WaPo, AP, etc., then you know the fourth estate is officially broken beyond repair.

I wonder if getting paid by Russia to be a giant fucking pest on the internet is worth it.

Now now, let’s be fair. He’s not a drunk anymore. Thanks to the massive amount of cocaine he snorts on a daily basis, he is now completely immune to the effects of alcohol.

Sputnik…lol.

Iran is about to be the first country on earth to weaponize influenza A.

Ah yes, it’s TOTALLY the alcohol use that’s causing the paranoia, and couldn’t possibly be from any other substance.

I’m starting to think having her husband assassinated wasn’t really worth it.

This would be fantastic. We can even honor Leo’s Chicago roots by playing Alan Parsons Project during his intro.

JD literally woke up one morning and decided to debate theology with the fucking Vicar of Christ.

After crushing up the penis bone into a fine powder and snorting it, Bobby discovered that no, raccoon penis bone powder does not put you into a psychedelic state. It does give you brain worms though.

While I absolutely don’t disagree with you regarding the US doing insane, evil shit, I also think you’re giving this administration WAYYY too much credit. We have never seen incompetence like this in the executive branch. Every move they’ve made since taking office, both foreign and domestic, reeks of desperation and panic, with no plan whatsoever. It is absolute amateurism. So no, I disagree that this is standard operation for the US. It’s much worse.

Some chick in Brazil is about to spill the beans on how many children Trump raped. So don’t be surprised if Tehran gets turned into a glowing glass bowl in a few days. We’ll probably stage a land invasion of Cuba too, just to make sure everyone is completely distracted.