Well, yeah, but they’ll just lie under oath. Then lie about lying. They lie about lying about lying. Then pardon themselves. And, somehow, become richer than Musa and more powerful than God in the process.

This is great! It’s been frankly hard work avoiding using Meta, Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, Threads and all of Zuckerberg’s other merciless surveillance and manipulation systems, and now I don’t have to worry about avoiding it any more because I don’t need to give deliberate consent at all, I only need to be within range of someone who has given unwitting consent on my behalf. And inside my own home when I’m my most unguarded and sincere, believing I’m only sharing my thoughts with the people present. What a win!

So just now, as it happens, I was out for a walk and suddenly G’rlanshchs the Insatiable started eating the Sun! Luckily I knew how do deal with it and started slaughtering some sheep in a nearby field. For nearly an hour I butchered them by the dozen, crudely slashing with my penknife and shrieking platitudes as loud as I could while G’rlanshchs continued to devour until finally he abated, satisfied with my offering, and regurgitated his meal. The fucking ungrateful farmer, meanwhile, just shouted at me and for some reason kept trying to tell me about his shitty Mitsubishi.

Hi guys! Welcome back. So today we’re going to see if we can trigger that unsigned integer underflow bug that some of you have been talking about. As you can see here I’ve already got an Iberia Airbus A380 heading perfectly due West towards Null Island and, thanks to the telemetry bug we found last week that still hasn’t been patched we’ve got it showing as a two-seater Cessna so the occupation rate is 15000% so what were going to do is get the latitude, longitude and altitude to all cross zero at the same time…

What about these? I mean, if we’re being totally disingenuous and fixating on extreme outliers…

I own a car - a big honking SUV, no less - and I will always get the bus or train if I can because it’s genuinely easier and more pleasant.

No. Just fucking no.

Stop signs exist because it’s not possible to evaluate if the junction is safe to pull into without stopping and looking around first, and then making sure you’re moving into the junction slowly by starting from stationary rather than launching into the middle of the road at 20mph.

The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe and The French Dispatch.

God, what an insufferably exquisite thing that would be.

“Eat the icing from the jar” in the style of “let the bodies hit the floor”.

I didn’t mock someone’s death. I simply said how wonderful it is when people get to live in the world they strive for. Someone who works to make the air cleaner living free from pollution. Someone who campaigns for food security never going hungry. Someone who fights tooth and nail to block any attempt to prevent children having their heads blown apart by a lunatic wielding an automatic rifle in school getting their head blown apart by a lunatic wielding an automatic rifle in a school. Someone who volunteers at a dog rescue for years getting to live on one of those dog rescue ranches. And so on.

Mix it with human hair to make model animals that you then eat for your actually surprisingly unentertaining late-nineties MTV chat show.

The Vaseline is usually just out of reach, though, on a rickety end table with the scorpion terrarium.

Don’t use WD-40 for that. It’s not a lubricant, it’s a cleaner. Use silicone lube or oil instead.

Shanghai is drowning under record rainfall. Europe is burning under record drought.

Anyway, the Economy demands we burn more oil and send more plastic shit to landfill. Chop-chop.

Bauhaus: “Function over form. By all means be creative. Be innovative. Be wild. But remember that what you design must, foremost, serve it’s purpose.”

Nazis: “Somehow I disagree.”

I swear every time I see him his glasses get bigger.

Anyway, yeah, good news.

After Charlie Kirk, school shooting defender, got shot at a school I trotted out the old line:

“May we all get to live in the world we strive for.”

And, boy, did that make some people upset.

My first words were “boba” and “kiki” but my parents were both abstract two-dimensional shapes so that might have affected things.

Now all rise for our national anthem.

Baaarp-barp, baaarp, barrp… baaarp. Thonk.

So the extreme right wing party not only has their gangs of yobs ready to burn down a town at a moment’s notice, but also their own private intelligence gathering network that investigates their political enemies including journalists? Hmmm…