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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/WorldlinessKey2691 on 2023-08-05 12:17:43.
I (21F) am the youngest of 6 siblings (38M, 34M, 32F - Iris, 30M and 27F). We just lost our father after a long battle with several chronic illnesses and we’re all going through a rough patch.
I was very close to Iris when I was a kid. Our family is religious. When Iris was outed as gay at the age of 17, my parents and the entire family disowned her and kicked her out. They even sat shiva for her.
We were all forbidden from having any kind of contact with her. I tried many times to be the catalyst for a reunion but my parents disagreed with me. Iris also didn’t try to contact us.
When father was ill, I asked mom for permission to tell Iris because she also deserved to know. She didn’t let me. Now that father has passed, I could no longer hold it in me. I found Iris’ workplace, called her office and told her the news.
She was clearly very sad but thanked me for letting her know and said she’d be coming for closure. She is married to a woman and has a son and a daughter but said she’ll come alone for the funeral.
Iris showed up alone for the funeral. Her wife waited for her at their car and didn’t even get out. My family was furious, both with me and with Iris. They all say that it was wrong for me to tell Iris because dad wouldn’t have wanted her there. I feel like such an AH for causing all this drama.
I needed an impartial opinion. AITA?
Sat Shiva?
My guess is as a Jewish family you sat shiva when you lose a family member.
Like mourning the death of a family member.
So asshole parents treated their gay but living daughter like a dead child rather than accepting them for the person they are.