Well, as a European (i.e. good person), let me welcome you to the developed world. We’re not snobby or greedy pigs like the Americans that invented Nazis. In fact, no country in Europe has ever looked down upon another country, continent, or people. We’ve also never colonized any countries nor do we conduct joint military exercises and operations with the US, and we definitely do not benefit from the US’s foreign policy and interventions. All of our luxuries are home grown and have never been the result of our brutal exploitation of other countries that resulted in horrific dictatorships, genocides, and ongoing conflict. If I remember correctly from my free history class, we have never even been to war at all. Btw, we have real history over here. Yours only goes back 200 years and has nothing at all to do with ours. What do you guys even talk about in history classes? lol!

There is absolutely no crime here in Europe, only healthcare. The other day on our superior mass-transit system, my friend was held at stethoscope-point by a criminal that alerted him that he had a heart murmur. I actually get a free diagnosis every morning. I have like 78 km of diagnoses written on superior A4 paper. We’re also very cultured as we speak several languages, all European but still very cultured. There’s absolutely no racism or oppression. All of my roommates have been Roma, Arabic, or African. My neighborhood has scheduled to protest for more minarets all week since the government makes sure we have enough vacation days to insist on diversity.

Our food is so organic that it’s composed of only carbon. That’s it. When you go to a restaurant, the waiters pick their most European customers every metric hour and gives them money. That’s right; our waiters tip us. We recycle everything and have never contributed in any fashion to climate change, and we have never supported Putin for decades by purchasing Russian gas. We’re in no way upset that we contributed less to NATO than we agreed to, depended on the US to save our asses while we enriched Putin, and now are wondering wtf we’re going to do since we don’t have shit for a military nor our own fuel supply.

It’s about time you leave the US, who is 100% at fault for everything in the world and absolutely not an ally that serves as a scapegoat to compare ourselves against in order to distract from our bullshit.

Edit: I forgot to mention that our chocolate is superior, and there is absolutely no child labor involved anywhere in the production line.