The trans community are often treated as activists pushing an agenda when we tell our stories, not as human beings sharing the truth in good faith.
I had not really thought of it that way before, but yes, that is exactly how it feels. Even those who call themselves Allies seem to brush off what I have got to say. I’m not some militant activist. Don’t get me wrong—I fight for our rights where I can. However, it seems that my perspective and fears are brushed off by pretty much everyone around me. I cannot presume to know what goes on in others’ minds, I can only speak to how things appear as well as to my personal experiences. It sucks feeling like no one is really listening.
Look I get by fine. I have just learned to massively lower my expectations of people. I accept that many of my friends will still help me as a human, even if push came to shove, they’d let me die as a queer person rather than stepping up.
People aren’t bad people for not being as cognizant all the time of everything that effects groups they’re not part of
Let me be clear though, I’m not upset by ignorance. I mean I am but that’s not what I am talking about here. I’m upset by disbelief and denial of experiences. I get along with people and my friends usually consider me decently knowledgeable and trustworthy about the things I’m interested in.
But if I talk about trans issues? They cannot believe me. I must be wrong. And if they are things I personally experience? Well I must just have imagined that or I must be exaggerating or I must be misunderstanding something. I cannot have experienced the things I say I have. And if I say something hurts me, I can get told by friends that actually no, it doesn’t hurt me, they know better.
I know a lot of people would just say “get better friends” and I do and I have. But honestly, most cis or straight people I meet do this to some extent or another. Queer experiences threaten their worldview, trans experiences threaten a cis worldview. So those experiences simply can not be believed without mitigation.
when they ask me quietly, “did that just happen? are you okay?” and that’s when i know they understand what i’ve been saying all this time.
I think this right here is what’s so surprising about being trans in the US. One trans person, even in a group with non-trans people, will get slurs yelled at them on the street and harassed in the presence of others.
For many minority folks, being with others erases that part of your identity from that kind of attention. If you’re walking by yourself and a woman, you’re way more likely to get cat called than in a group that also has men. If you’re black, you probably won’t get the n word if you’re walking with a group of white people.
I’ve often wondered just what it is about being trans that makes people feel like open criticism and slurs are okay, no matter who is around. Is it that socially we haven’t decided that it’s not okay to yell slurs at trans people yet, and it’s purely a matter of how new of a concept it is to most people? Is it because of the incessant attacks by the right and how we tolerate open discussions questioning their humanity? I’m not sure but it’s certainly sitting in a weird place right now, and I wish people would grow up and see fellow humans as humans first, before looking at their identities.
Everyone fighting for their rights who isn’t a cishet dude deals with some degree of this. Where do you think the idea that feminism is more than wanting equality came from? To be clear, it’s a bigger risk to trans people right now because more people think it’s ok to unalive you all on sight, but this is an old and widespread tactic in defense of cisheteropatriarchy.
From the article:
I had not really thought of it that way before, but yes, that is exactly how it feels. Even those who call themselves Allies seem to brush off what I have got to say. I’m not some militant activist. Don’t get me wrong—I fight for our rights where I can. However, it seems that my perspective and fears are brushed off by pretty much everyone around me. I cannot presume to know what goes on in others’ minds, I can only speak to how things appear as well as to my personal experiences. It sucks feeling like no one is really listening.
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100%. It really does wear one down, make one bitter and distrustful after a while. Even of people one otherwise would get along great with.
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Look I get by fine. I have just learned to massively lower my expectations of people. I accept that many of my friends will still help me as a human, even if push came to shove, they’d let me die as a queer person rather than stepping up.
Let me be clear though, I’m not upset by ignorance. I mean I am but that’s not what I am talking about here. I’m upset by disbelief and denial of experiences. I get along with people and my friends usually consider me decently knowledgeable and trustworthy about the things I’m interested in.
But if I talk about trans issues? They cannot believe me. I must be wrong. And if they are things I personally experience? Well I must just have imagined that or I must be exaggerating or I must be misunderstanding something. I cannot have experienced the things I say I have. And if I say something hurts me, I can get told by friends that actually no, it doesn’t hurt me, they know better.
I know a lot of people would just say “get better friends” and I do and I have. But honestly, most cis or straight people I meet do this to some extent or another. Queer experiences threaten their worldview, trans experiences threaten a cis worldview. So those experiences simply can not be believed without mitigation.
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I think this right here is what’s so surprising about being trans in the US. One trans person, even in a group with non-trans people, will get slurs yelled at them on the street and harassed in the presence of others.
For many minority folks, being with others erases that part of your identity from that kind of attention. If you’re walking by yourself and a woman, you’re way more likely to get cat called than in a group that also has men. If you’re black, you probably won’t get the n word if you’re walking with a group of white people.
I’ve often wondered just what it is about being trans that makes people feel like open criticism and slurs are okay, no matter who is around. Is it that socially we haven’t decided that it’s not okay to yell slurs at trans people yet, and it’s purely a matter of how new of a concept it is to most people? Is it because of the incessant attacks by the right and how we tolerate open discussions questioning their humanity? I’m not sure but it’s certainly sitting in a weird place right now, and I wish people would grow up and see fellow humans as humans first, before looking at their identities.
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This is the same way Gay Rights and HIV/AIDS activism was treated in the 80s 90s and 00s. It’s the same playbook being recycled. 
This absolutely does my head in. It upset me way more than the openly hateful lot does.
Everyone fighting for their rights who isn’t a cishet dude deals with some degree of this. Where do you think the idea that feminism is more than wanting equality came from? To be clear, it’s a bigger risk to trans people right now because more people think it’s ok to unalive you all on sight, but this is an old and widespread tactic in defense of cisheteropatriarchy.