Yao Ming do be too tall tbh
Oh, I love this one - “I think the recent successes of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan show that we’re ready to take on a much more formidable opponent.”.
It’s like, “Hey, why not, really? We gotta prove we can, right?”.
The problem, of course, being, some actually think like that.
Someone should tell them what success means
Dallas Castillo is on to something
"Ever since I heard about nuclear weapons, I’ve always wanted to experience one myself.”
The onion is no longer satire.
The onion is self-censored.
And owned by a larger media company unfortunately this one is a banger though
A little long but it set up the punchline at the very end so nicely
Craig Leonard (Roofer)
“I just think it would be weird if we scapegoated them for a bunch of stuff for like 40 years and then didn’t go to war with them.”
Libs will say the onion denies genocide
If the last couple years have taught me anything, it’s that the Onion is published by people have either a time machine, or a tap on the CIA’s phone lines.