I’m 22 years old, not in a relationship and I don’t have any kids yet so I’m just asking out of curiosity.

  • LostCause@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    My mother tried that. Her challenge was, that around age 12 or so I became smart enough to bypass her methods.

    She would hide the router, I would find it, she would change settings in the router, I would change them back. She would hide cables etc for the computer, I would find them or even buy new ones.

    She would hide my consoles or games, I would find them and then hide them from her in turn.

    She tried to enforce TV limits, so I would wait until she slept to watch without sound and subtitles. She would put parental controls on TV, I would spend hours until I brute forced the PIN.

    She even took my phone and I went and got myself a cheap one by saving up money.

    What she never really tried was talking to me about it and asking me why I want this so much, then maybe I could have told her it is cause I don‘t have any friends and we don‘t have money to do anything else, she was at work and I was sat around alone bored out of my mind, so I want entertainment at least.

    So my advice is, try talking to your kid and together find other activities they might enjoy and that you approve of, then probably the usage of tech would go down naturally.

  • bbbhltz@beehaw.org
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    1 year ago

    I still haven’t met a family that has successfully done this. My friends came very close with their first-born. Then they started letting their kids use an educational game thing with their iPad. They never once mentioned any challenges prior to that.

      • bbbhltz@beehaw.org
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        1 year ago

        Oh yes, even today. The iPads really only come out during long plane rides or when the parents have guests over. They are 8 and 12 and prefer reading now.

        • cloudynight88@beehaw.orgOP
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          1 year ago

          That’s great, I’m sure it even made them do better at school as they’re probably not as easily distracted by tech.

  • beerd@beehaw.org
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    1 year ago

    I couldnt get a phone until i started highschool (i had very limited access to a tablet at home). This resulted in me being unable to participate in any of the group chats that my peers were using, and missing the necessary context to understand a significant amount of topics they discussed even in person. Up to the point smartphones started to spread in my class i was strongly involved in the community, and i would say i had sufficient social skills. After that i started to get socially isolated, and this i would say severely affected my social development for many years.

    Nowadays im happy that i spent most of my free time reading and learning extracurricular topics while many other were binging youtube, but its only because in the last couple of years i successfully started to develop my social side and engage more with others, while keeping the benefits of being left alone with my thoughts for extended periods. However i wouldnt have been able to do this on my own (i convinced myself that my isolation is a good thing, and as a coping mechanism i looked down on others socialising, smalltalk, etc.), and was very lucky with a couple of people that got me out of this isolation. That said i still have to undo a lot of damage on this area.

    I dont know how a parent could balance these things, but i would assume that the most important thing is to help the kid find hobbies that engage them, so that scrolling endlessly is not that enticing, while giving them time on their phone to nurture their relationships online (this could be restricted with scheduling wifi access on the router, etc), and of course educating them on the potential harms of the internet.

    Also i dont really have a solution to this, but i noticed on myself that when i had restricted access to something (for example the wifi turned off at 8pm) that meant the restricted activities value went way up in my head and i maxed out on it, often even though i would have enjoyed doing something else more.

    • Lols [they/them]@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      its hard to say how much of the issues i experience today is really because of modern tech

      i got into gaming at a very young age, and i spent most of my time just by myself playing singleplayer stuff as opposed to going out with the other kids. im not sure whether that was really a result of getting into pc gaming though, as i wasnt all that social even before that and had trouble making friends

      not getting a phone until high school added to the issue because the other kids would be talking about things i flat out didnt know about, leading to further isolation

      nowadays i just dont really make friends in person, all of my friendships and the like are online and based on common interests in video games and such

      i dont know whether spending too much time on devices is to blame for that, or whether spending too much time on devices allowed me to find friends and people i care about regardless of the trouble i have engaging with people in person

  • SomeGuyNamedPaul@beehaw.org
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    1 year ago

    My daughter is going into high school and she’s already getting involved with one of the extracurriculars… yeah it’s not really possible without her already having a cell. This is band and yet they expect the kids to have Microsoft Teams because that’s the official method for disseminating information.

    F’n Teams… shudder…

  • cablepick@lemmy.cablepick.net
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    1 year ago

    It’s tough because you don’t want them to be technically inept in this day and age. There is also peer pressure amongst friends and a certain social status that for better or worse matters to them.

    It’s a balance between unrestricted access and a reasonable amount. We keep them busy enough that it’s never a question. They really only come out on long car rides and trips. We don’t use them in the home at all.

    Very rarely at a restaurant, only when it’s large family affair at a place we won’t normally go. I used to judge people throwing screens in front of kids at restaurants but let me tell you it’s better than chasing them around. They get a treat, the screen, for behaving and I get to enjoy a nice meal.

  • Christian A@beehaw.org
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    1 year ago

    I’ve not got kids yet so not really helpful to your question. But I’ve seen enough of parents who just give their kids tablets and smartphones (Unfortunately in a couple examples I know, it’s because they can’t be bothered to parent). Not only do the kids end up getting hooked on the devices, but the content they’re consuming is… worrying.

    It’s enough that my partner and I have already spoken about how we will try to raise ours. I don’t think complete isolation from tech is the answer, it can be a great learning tool after all.

    But I’m going to make sure I use it with them in the earlier stages of life. They won’t just have their own devices, and they won’t be able to use it all the time. We’re going to promote reading and other activities, being outside, crafts etc - If they show an interest in STEM/STEAM stuff that’s cool, and tech can be used here - but it doesn’t have to be connected to the internet all the time. I can build little hobby electronics with them, we can set up Raspberry Pi’s, we can create stuff in software and even play games like Minecraft. But together, and in moderation.

    Obviously we won’t be forcing them to only use tech with us, or watching over them super strict later on - but for the earlier parts of life? You can be sure their introduction to technology will be more than “Here’s a tablet, go play games and stop being a bother”

    • Naate@beehaw.org
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      1 year ago

      This is more or less exactly what we did with our kiddo. We had time limits and strict control when she was little. Then moved into similar time limits and a looser “over-the-shoulder” monitoring plus a monitoring app that we’d sort of look at monthly. Now she’s a teen with her own phone (13 when she got it, and it was my old device), an iPad, and a gaming pc. Time limits are sort of out the window now, and the monitoring app is more or less useless. But we do still have a tech curfew for everything except Spotify and offline creative endeavors.

      She was 100% a part of the decision-making and understood the role of the “nanny” software. It’s always been a major point to discuss these things with her, and explain “why” at every step of the process. She’s also pretty sharp when it comes to identifying harmful things, and even comes to us when she stumbles across a potentially questionable video or something.

      Open two-way communication has always been important and a focus in all of these issues. I grew up with conservative totalitarian parents, and learned how to lie and be sneaky just to be myself. I don’t want that for her, and while I know we’ve screwed up along the way (who doesn’t?), she seems a lot healthier than I was at her age.

      • Christian A@beehaw.org
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        1 year ago

        This sounds the perfect way to do it, well done. Two-way communication is key, I hope I can do it similar.

        • Naate@beehaw.org
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          1 year ago

          It’s not easy, that’s for sure. Communication is always important, but what works for one kid may not work for another. Hopefully it continues well as she enters high school!

          Good luck with your own in the future!

  • shortwavesurfer@monero.town
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    1 year ago

    A guy i listen to on the radio naned Jay Noone (from Free Talk Live) says most of a childs nural connections are made between birth and 6 years old and that exposure to screens during those years is about the same as doing nearly fatal amounts of drugs for adults. He suggests not letting your child have much screen exposure during that time and even goes so far as no tv except like once a week for the entire family.

  • Freeman@lemmy.pub
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    1 year ago

    I have younger kids. Theres a point of diminishing returns but right now we mostly only provide physical access during specific times (ie: Road trips).

    Even TV we limit time on and manage what they can watch (ie: they cant just go find random things on youtube or even Netflix kids yet.)

    There will be a point coming shortly where the fact that most other parents allow unfettered access means we will have to relent.

    For example, my kids are WAY behind on the hand eye to play games on switch etc compared to some peers. And i cant just be like “git gud kid”