I’ve been wondering about definitions there for some time now. I do constantly wish i was a woman, and transitioning is something I’ve considered for quite a while but ultimately am not doing for two reasons
i barely have my social anxiety under control enough to function normally (at least most of the time) and have some degree of social life, so the thought of transitioning before it is something accepted by >99% of society is horrifying.
one of the primary aspects I dislike about being male is my appearance, but I also have at least found a style I’m mostly comfortable with and believe that with my current body state I’d just dislike how I look even more if I tried to present female, as it’d still be far from what I’d wanna look like.
Which is to say, if being trans were to stop being a social and political problem and I lost weight I’d start transitioning in a heartbeat, and I sure relate to a lot of experiences I see transfems talk about, but I feel like calling myself “trans” in this state isn’t very fitting regardless since I feel like “trans” implies “not having decided not to transition”. But maybe I’m wrong and it’s more flexible than that.
Sorry for randomly dumping all that under a meme but it’s been on my mind for a while and this felt like a reasonably appropriate place for it lol
Well then, do I have something for you that I saw mentioned in another post and has really helped answer this (funny how that happens just when I decide to actually talk about it, but it’s a state of mind of wanting to look into it i guess). https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en , aka “the gender dysphoria bible”.
Now after reading that, the social anxiety aspect is the only thing stopping me anymore I think, though that has dictated most of my life for as long as I can remember, so I’m unlikely to get past it without societal change.
To answer the main question of my post, considering yourself trans and just deciding not to transition is apparently just fine, because there are tons of reasons you might come to that decision.
Though I think if I put a transflag on my social media profiles or something similar that would still least to confusion at least for cis people, they’d prob either assume I was AFAB or want them to use female pronouns to refer to me. But I’m guessing now the trans community at large wouldn’t have any issue with that either.
I don’t want to contradict your experience, because I have been in a very similar state of mind in the past and some time ago I would probably have written a similar comment. But I want to tell you about my own experience with social anxiety and being trans. There has been a somewhat strange development of my mental state which you may find informative.
Since I decided to transition, my social anxiety has diminished. No, it’s not gone, but it is less powerful than before. I attribute this to a strange paradox: When presenting male, I was fixated on doing “man” right. I was under constant stress of being exposed as a “fake man” who wasn’t manly enough and I always - consciously and subconsciously - tried to be more male.
I thought that this would also be the case when transitioning to female. That I would constantly have to worry about “doing female” right. But I don’t.
I was convinced that presenting as this or that gender was a constant dance on a tightrope. But after a while I realised that it isn’t anymore, because I am just being myself. It’s one less thing my mind worries about. And a big one at that.
As I said: My social anxiety is still there and I am only making baby steps towards presenting more female, because - yeah - I am also very worried about the social and political climate in the place I live in. And I certainly can’t say that your mind works similarly, but gender dysphoria warps one’s brain in very insidious ways and sometimes the outcome is a paradoxical state of mind.
The “fake male” part, gosh, that resonates so hard with me. I felt like I would mimic other males and none of it ever made sense. Same with transitioning and feeling at least a bit more outgoing.
I always thought I was just an introvert and shy, but as I’ve been transitioning (still early) I’ve felt more confidence than I thought possible. I don’t expect to turn into an extrovert, but it’s an amazing improvement so far! You say you’d transition in a heartbeat if society was more accepting, but if that’s the case I recommend doing it anyway, or at maybe just dipping your toes in. Maybe you can try being a woman in private and a man in public, that way you don’t really risk anything while still being able to experiment.
![egg_irl [CW: Assumes Viewer is Transfem]](https://transfem.space/pictrs/image/50250a83-fd76-455b-a973-081655c7d16f.png){kind=link}
I’ve been wondering about definitions there for some time now. I do constantly wish i was a woman, and transitioning is something I’ve considered for quite a while but ultimately am not doing for two reasons
i barely have my social anxiety under control enough to function normally (at least most of the time) and have some degree of social life, so the thought of transitioning before it is something accepted by >99% of society is horrifying.
one of the primary aspects I dislike about being male is my appearance, but I also have at least found a style I’m mostly comfortable with and believe that with my current body state I’d just dislike how I look even more if I tried to present female, as it’d still be far from what I’d wanna look like.
Which is to say, if being trans were to stop being a social and political problem and I lost weight I’d start transitioning in a heartbeat, and I sure relate to a lot of experiences I see transfems talk about, but I feel like calling myself “trans” in this state isn’t very fitting regardless since I feel like “trans” implies “not having decided not to transition”. But maybe I’m wrong and it’s more flexible than that.
Sorry for randomly dumping all that under a meme but it’s been on my mind for a while and this felt like a reasonably appropriate place for it lol
Get outta my head lol. This is 100% my mental state too…
Well then, do I have something for you that I saw mentioned in another post and has really helped answer this (funny how that happens just when I decide to actually talk about it, but it’s a state of mind of wanting to look into it i guess). https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en , aka “the gender dysphoria bible”.
Now after reading that, the social anxiety aspect is the only thing stopping me anymore I think, though that has dictated most of my life for as long as I can remember, so I’m unlikely to get past it without societal change.
To answer the main question of my post, considering yourself trans and just deciding not to transition is apparently just fine, because there are tons of reasons you might come to that decision.
Though I think if I put a transflag on my social media profiles or something similar that would still least to confusion at least for cis people, they’d prob either assume I was AFAB or want them to use female pronouns to refer to me. But I’m guessing now the trans community at large wouldn’t have any issue with that either.
Thank you so much for posting that link. That really helped put a lot of my questions into perspective.
I don’t want to contradict your experience, because I have been in a very similar state of mind in the past and some time ago I would probably have written a similar comment. But I want to tell you about my own experience with social anxiety and being trans. There has been a somewhat strange development of my mental state which you may find informative.
Since I decided to transition, my social anxiety has diminished. No, it’s not gone, but it is less powerful than before. I attribute this to a strange paradox: When presenting male, I was fixated on doing “man” right. I was under constant stress of being exposed as a “fake man” who wasn’t manly enough and I always - consciously and subconsciously - tried to be more male.
I thought that this would also be the case when transitioning to female. That I would constantly have to worry about “doing female” right. But I don’t.
I was convinced that presenting as this or that gender was a constant dance on a tightrope. But after a while I realised that it isn’t anymore, because I am just being myself. It’s one less thing my mind worries about. And a big one at that.
As I said: My social anxiety is still there and I am only making baby steps towards presenting more female, because - yeah - I am also very worried about the social and political climate in the place I live in. And I certainly can’t say that your mind works similarly, but gender dysphoria warps one’s brain in very insidious ways and sometimes the outcome is a paradoxical state of mind.
The “fake male” part, gosh, that resonates so hard with me. I felt like I would mimic other males and none of it ever made sense. Same with transitioning and feeling at least a bit more outgoing.
I always thought I was just an introvert and shy, but as I’ve been transitioning (still early) I’ve felt more confidence than I thought possible. I don’t expect to turn into an extrovert, but it’s an amazing improvement so far! You say you’d transition in a heartbeat if society was more accepting, but if that’s the case I recommend doing it anyway, or at maybe just dipping your toes in. Maybe you can try being a woman in private and a man in public, that way you don’t really risk anything while still being able to experiment.