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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/benoitmalenfant on 2023-07-02 22:42:11+00:00.
TLDR: I have dietary restrictions because of renal disease and my teens keep eating the food I buy/make for myself instead of the food I make/buy for them. I usually don’t say much but today I yelled at them.
I have a renal disease which means I have dietary restrictions (for example anything with potassium or phosphorus is bad for me). I’ve had this problem for the past 5 years. I have 2 kids of teen age. I try my best not to let my dietary restrictions be cumbersome for the rest of the family so when I cook meals I will try my best to cook things the family likes and adjust the recipe for my restrictions. There are things that I simply cannot have or I can only have very little, like orange juice (potassium), or potato chips (potassium) or anything dairy (phosphorus). So we go grocery shopping we’ll buy orange juice and another type of juice that’s better for me, same with potato chips, we’ll get snacks that are better for me.
Problem is it seems like every time we come home with something different that has been purchased “for dad”, my teens make a point of having this first before the other stuff. So I’ll see them drink my juice in the morning instead of the orange juice we bought for them , or have my snacks when they come home from school instead of the potato chips etc. When I see them do this , I usually gently reminds them to make sure to leave me some because I cannot have the other and they usually answer “oh, it’s true, I’m sorry dad!”
I’ve asked them if they simply preferred having my juice in the morning so I would simply buy more instead of the orange juice, same thing with the potato chips but they always say that they prefer the orange juice and the chips over my stuff.
Well, today I get up, make myself breakfast and open the fridge to grab my juice, to notice there wasn’t any left but the orange juice was almost full. I confronted both teens and got mad at them for emptying my juice instead of the orange juice. My wife thinks I overreacted. AITA ?
NTA. Your wife needs to be supportive of your health conditions and recognize that your food and drinks not not just ‘some snacks’, they are a medical necessity.
You and your wife need to get your teens to learn how to respect boundaries, and this starts with your wife defending you, not them.
That being said, being mad isn’t always the solution. While it’s understandable for anyone to be mad at this situation, you need to step back and look at what you did or said in response, and ask yourself if this is effective at changing your kids’ behavior into what you want them to become.
I grew up in a household with chronic yelling, and this wasn’t effective in anything other than teaching me how to lie better. I don’t know what you said to your kids, but I think what would help is sitting down and explain how what they’ve done affects you and how it makes you feel. Whether it makes you feel like your health conditions don’t matter, or it makes you feel hurt, or it makes you feel like your shopping efforts don’t matter. Kids are dumb and don’t always understand that what they do can hurt other people.
Ideally you can get them to promise not to do that again. Ask them what would help remind them. Maybe it’s something like putting some colored tape on your food, so they know not to take it. Kids are dumb, and maybe not every mistake they make is out of malice.
If talking doesn’t work, there are more options like taking away their snacks until your next grocery trip, deducting their allowance, removing privileges, not getting them snacks next time, etc. Get a locking mini fridge if you have to to get your point across that actions have consequences. If this were at a work place, HR can fire lunch thieves in a heartbeat. Better for them to tough out whatever consequences you give them now than have them get a taste of it in the real world.
