This article is inspired by a Youtuber Caitlyn V who is a sex coach. I’ve watched some of her videos and I find them to be very informative, especially about sex. I’ll link it here below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agscWsru7Gk&ab_channel=CaitlinV

She actually goes onto explain how not having sex for a long time can contribute to problems on mental health, emotional health, etc.

The second half of her video has the solutions to these problems and the last point is one I want to expand on. The first 2 solutions was to 1. Create feel good chemicals by exercising, eating healthy, leaning on trusted friends, etc and the 2. one is fuck yourself (not regular masturbation where you race to ejaculation, but slowly taking your time with it.). The third suggestion is where I take issue with and it’s getting a sex worker.

Note I have nothing against sex work. I believe sex work is work and there’s nothing wrong with getting it. My issue with this point is the way I believe society is set up to profit off of lonely and sexually frustrated men.

Paying for sex work is very expensive, like you have to be making the kind of money where the cost to even get these services are casual at best. Even if there are cheap option, I don’t believe many men out there feel they should have to pay for experiences just to feel wanted.

Think about it this way. When you go outside to try to make friends, or to try and talk to a woman you find attractive, you notice how cold and distant people treat you in social places. In the first initial meeting, you’re treated as a potential predator that has to prove himself to be a good person first, and even after you passed the test, you need to be mindful of not making her feel uncomfortable, and make having sex with them feel completely natural. It’s also on you to make the sure interactions you lead the interactions in a way to keep her around, and basically really sell yourself. Couple that with the expectation society has for the man to be the pursuer, all of these things make a very daunting experience for men.

Men don’t have a lot of options when it comes to dating and when they to have the opportunity, are expected to make sure it goes well. This setup creates a very convincing need for sex work, with a high demand of it coming from men because their basic needs aren’t being met consistently.

I believe there needs to be a better solution rather than spending money on experiencing intimacy via sexual services. The most obvious way would be to stop demonizing men at a very ridiculous level, especially at the first meet, but most people on the left space don’t like that idea cuz ‘safety’ and ‘patriarchy’ so obviously getting to a point where we don’t do that is gonna take a long time, we need better short term solutions that doesn’t cost money for that. Sexual services are fine when you get them here and there, not when it becomes a potentially long-term thing (I’ve known men who consistently get sex through prostitutes)

One of the solutions offered by Aba and Preach would be a solution I would offer in helping with this situation as well, mostly short-term.

https://youtu.be/P22ZpncT8B4?t=738

Now they’re saying not to approach women and I don’t think most women put men that approach them on blast that regular, but that’s perfectly valid given the society we’re living in. Me personally, I’ve done a lot of approaching and have been very experienced in it and I haven’t been blasted on media, but this is because I gauge most situations I have going in. The process of learning it today is fucking hard so one slip up in an unlucky situation can turn your life upside down if you get blasted on social media.

Other solutions?

Read books and websites on people skills so you can work on talking to people. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve all had natural experiences with talking to people, so I’m not implying you’re all very socially inept that can’t hold a conversation. I think a lot of the guys here actually have no problem with conversation, especially when talking to women. But maybe you don’t have the kind of friends you do like having around, or maybe you don’t have any afab friends or maybe you do, but again not the ideal person you want in your life. I’m mostly recommending this because if you want to have control over your own life and build better relationships, people skills are crucial. So the next time you’re in a situation where you want to make friends with certain people or talk to a woman you find attractive, you know have the experience backed up to do it

Read books on dating material so you can make up for a lack of experience. However, this bit is very tricky as there’s a lot of toxic dating advice out there. I got proper sources of healthy dating advice if you want my suggestion message me.

Next step is practicality. For social skills, go to a hobby-based group or club and put what you learned to the test. Preferably a new one, as if you’re in an old group, they probably have a set image of you and depending on that, maybe harder to break out of. Finding a new social setting will give you a fresh start if this is the case. For practicing dating skills, I would highly recommend speed dating. Now don’t expect to actually get dates from speed dating. In fact, as a man if you wanna find a date via speed dating, you’re gonna be spending money for a long time. Instead, use them to practice your skills. Each date you have last up to 5 minutes so you have a very short timeframe to work with, but this is perfect as you get to work on initiating conversations and internalizing body language signals being sent out, and you’ll be ‘dating’ multiple people in one setting so you have a lot of volume to work with for one night. This is to help improve your skills quickly, arming you with enough knowledge and experience to navigate life with a prepared lens.

Now the article is written from the perspective of someone that hasn’t gone to any sexual services and don’t really plan to. Has anyone gone to get sexual services? What was it like going there? Do you agree it to be a solution for guys problem with a lack of sex?

  • hotpotato138@kbin.social
    0·
    1 year ago

    I don’t identify with any of the pills. I think the red pill has some truth to it, but I don’t agree with everything it says.

    but what I am saying is with their ideology there’s only so much rejection you can take up to a point.

    There are different beliefs within the “red-pill”. Sometimes the “red-pill” is confused with the “black-pill”, which is more extreme.

    What happens if you get rejected 1000 times and you combine that with an ideology that tells you if she turned you down, it means you’re not high value, desirable, or some shit like that. This will eat at their self-esteem and in some cases lash out and try other toxic tactics i.e “Why you got an attitude.” “Do you know how many girls I get.” “Fuck you, you ain’t even that hot anyways.”

    I would classify what you’re saying here as “black-pill”, not “red-pill.” The men who get angry have entitlement issues, maybe they’re narcissists. Those guys feel entitled to sex before even talking to women.

    • Mshuser@kbin.socialOP
      0·
      1 year ago

      There are different beliefs within the “red-pill”. Sometimes the “red-pill” is confused with the “black-pill”, which is more extreme.

      The blackpill is more concerned about looks having a huge role in dating. This isn’t what I meant when I made that statement. To elaborate, a man weather redpill or blackpill wouldn’t have a problem approaching a woman, getting rejected, and then moving on a few times right. The reason why I stated 1000 approaches cuz that’s equivalent to 1000 times of being told they’re not valuable or desirable cuz “If she rejects you, then she doesn’t see you as high value”. Many members of the black pill community tie most of their success back to baseline looks, whereas redpill believes that you can get results through self-improvement and game. But it wouldn’t matter what pill you fall into, as long as the ideology you’re being fed ties your value to being chosen, what I’ve said would be more likely to happen. I’ve studied a lot about dating including redpill and blackpill, so I’m very aware of what each ideology stands for and their beliefs.

      I would classify what you’re saying here as “black-pill”, not “red-pill.” The men who get angry have entitlement issues, maybe they’re narcissists. Those guys feel entitled to sex before even talking to women.

      Anger doesn’t always have to be entitlement issues. It may be due to their frustration over their lack of success after having gone through that many rejections. And the examples responses I gave are natural defense when facing the thought of “she doesn’t think you’re valuable” so maybe they’re saying those things as if to prove her wrong and make her out to be the arrogant one. Maybe on a normal day they wouldn’t feel entitled to have sex when they get rejected, but there’s always a buildup of such events where having your self-worth tied to success can only allow you to gracefully take that many rejections. I know cuz when I held these beliefs, I battled with those exact internal dialogues before.