CHICAGO—Eradicating any sense of respectability and gentlemanliness he thought he possessed during the long winter months, local man Brendan Watt was reminded Thursday by the return of more revealing spring attire that he is nothing more than a vulgar, hormonal ogre who has to actively keep his thoughts and gaze in check whenever he goes out in public, the disheartened 33-year-old confirmed to reporters. “God,” Watt reportedly said to himself while walking to work amid a variety of women wearing skirts and light strapless garments, as he arrived at the annual realization that he is, despite his best hopes, a chemically driven beast who must mentally tell himself he doesn’t need to take another glance at women who pass by in tank tops and yoga pants. “And there’s still five more months of this, for Christ’s sake.” At press time, Watt had just caught himself taking a second look at a girl who—Jesus—was a good 15 years younger than him, and was sadly accepting that this is just who he is.
Another thing I was thinking about. I have you cornered and now I’m gonna autistic rant at you. So I used to think that being a chaser simply meant finding a trans person attractive. I was really worried that I was being a chaser by being attracted to my girlfriend. She also had the same thought of herself as a chaser for being attracted to me.
However, I just got
message five minutes ago and now I think I understand what the word means.
Men can be so confusingly gross that I fail to even perceive their existence until it smacks me in the face.
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