DoghouseCharlie [he/him, comrade/them]

I’d like to not be flabby. But also snacks.

“Woke” is anything that makes my pp soft.

I want to splurge on an expensive lederhosen for a costume I want but I’m going to have to wear it year round to justify it.

I had lib friends that would do this native American thing. Their parents would lie or maybe have been lied to and say they had a lot of Cherokee in them. So these libs will make it part of their identity until the 23 and me results come in and they realize they’re not that native after all. They take these identities on and off like they were fucking hats. Like, if a full blooded native American came up to me, said he was my dad, gave me all the documents to prove it, and it turned out I was over half Cherokee it wouldn’t make me native American, that’s just not my lived experience. If you think DNA factors into it you may as well break out the calipers and starting measuring your skull to see of you’re allowed to celebrate Kwanzaa.

This is my “Hitman 47 explores his gender by way of disguises” bit.

Agent 47 you can’t wear a women’s maid outfit as a disguise. You’ll have to find a male outfit because for some reason they all fit perfectly on you. Even the shoes.

But the skirt feels so breezy, I feel my tactical awareness and natural instincts will be heightened. And no one will call me out because they’ll be too afraid I’ll accuse them of a hate crime.

That’s brilliant, 47, keep up the good work!

If it’s only gay when the balls touch does that mean I can’t be gay if I become a eunuch? 🤔

Trying to balance this desire to be responsible and save money but also feeling anxious because I’ve been poor my entire life so I don’t want to feel the way it felt to be poor and spending money makes that anxiety go away.

There’s an infamous DeviantArt guy that pays artists to just draw women buying white bread. I also once saw someone’s gallery full of just pictures of characters holding their breath so their cheeks were puffed out and that’s it.

What the volcel police don’t understand is that some people have what we call “stealth fetishes”. You could be reading a post you think is just quirky and weird but in reality it’s someone’s fetish. Here’s and example of a stealth fetish post, let’s see if you can spot it:

I was referencing the other right wing song. Or is that the same song, I literally don’t know?

Putting a song on the radio? Don’t try that in my small town, liberal.