I would love to eat meat replacements on a more regular basis, but impossible and beyond burgers are more expensive than actual meat where I live. So I just don’t buy them. If the technology /economies of scale actually manage to make them cheaper than meat, I’d replace 80% of my meat consumption.
Saying this as an ethnically Chinese person who is not being racist… I had a eufy robovac and when I discovered it was Chinese-owned and had a video camera installed on it… I immediately got rid of that thing. I don’t trust any technology company owned by China to be able to see into my home.
When I’m really struggling it’s annoying to have people call me strong or resilient. I mean technically I am strong but it feels like a curse. I don’t want to be strong. I want it to be easier.
The worst one, though, THE WORST, is when they say “I don’t know how you do it/live like this.”
Uuuuhhhh, if I had a choice I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do it. I have no choice. The only way out is through.
Thank you! I am tough. The last 3 years have been harder than I could’ve ever fathomed, but I’m still trucking on. There’s a lot more to me than depression, even though it swallows everything sometimes.
I literally fantasize about having enough space in my home for a chest freezer.
This week is the first week I’ve felt halfway close to being a human being in a really long time. My rTMS treatment for depression is finally starting to kick in. This is my 3rd round now and each time I see significant improvements, but they only last 4ish months and I relapse horrifically after.
My most recent relapse lasted 3ish months while I was scrambling to get treatment (and an unsuccessful Ketamine trial). I finally found a hospital willing to treat me, and also give me maintenance treatments so hopefully I don’t relapse again.
It’s just been hell for a while. Last weekend I finally felt the gears in my brain “click”. I am capable of experiencing positive emotions again. I still feel emotionally dead a lot of the time, but at least I don’t want to die anymore (for now).
It feels good to not be in excruciating pain. It feels good to have less disordered thinking. I look back and it feels like I was a different person, I don’t even understand or recognize that person.
Anyways, I’m just… Trying to take a breather. Trying to fully experience the moment. I don’t know how things will go in the long term, but I know the next couple of months will continue to be livable. Trying to be grateful for that, and not think too much about what comes next.
Agreed, in my opinion asking for safe spaces is not entitlement. It’s people who feel most comfortable (safe) with the status quo, who think others are entitled for also wanting to feel safe.
Now I have depression so it’s slightly different than a physical disability, but I have been on disability for 2 years and some days am completely debilitated.
The biggest thing that helps me is just meeting myself where I am, and accepting and working with my restrictions rather than fighting them. One example is I try to make meals for my boyfriend and I since I’m not working right now. But for the last couple of months I’ve been extra sick and so groceries go bad in the fridge, I eat nothing or trash or order in which is super expensive.
And finally I decided to stop forcing myself to cook only to fail, and now I buy tons of preprepared foods and meal replacement powders. It’s not as healthy as home cooked, but it’s better than McDonald’s or chips, and I don’t spend as much money ordering delivery.
I’d tell me in high school to get treatment for depression instead of white knuckling my way through life and ending up with treatment resistant depression at 28 because I went without for so long.
As a Chinese person I actually think they’re more Korean-inspired, not Chinese. And the devs are Korean, so it doesn’t seem disrespectful.
Thank you so much. I feel your big hug and it’s appreciated. I do have a therapist I see for my depression and ptsd. I will definitely talk about this with her.
Your empathy stretches beyond even the topic at hand. You hit the nail on the head when you say that suffering added on to existing suffering makes everything more complicated.
If I were mentally healthy right now I think I would process my sexual identity more easily. But for 3 years I’ve been struggling with annihilating depression.
Writing this is also a helpful reminder that I’m not in the best spot to figure it all out right now, and that I don’t have to. I can sit with these somewhat complicated feelings for now and wait for when I’m healthier to open the box. At least I’ve acknowledged the box for now, instead of shoving it in the closet (har har).
Thank you again for your empathy and kindness. Really.
I love space but I know I’ll never be an astronaut and go there, yet that doesn’t make my desire to see the stars any less real and valid.
I actually love this and it legitimately makes me feel better lol
Honestly I played it for the first time last year and… It’s good but I don’t understand the hype? The story in 2022 didn’t blow my mind. Definitely fun and I still recommend though.
Exactly on the identity piece, although I do kind of feel like I missed out. I keep thinking about all the times I felt attraction and ran away from it 😅
But I’m with the love of my life too, so, I guess I just move on.
the attention visibly queer and visibly trans people get, at least in my experience, is negative - who gets up in the morning seeking that?
You articulated this particular piece so well for me. I think I’m also struggling because I don’t WANT to be queer. Between the mental health issues and the race and gender and and and I just… I didn’t want to be bi on top of that. This isn’t fun for me. I don’t want one more thing my family is going to invalidate and judge me for. I didn’t want to recognize my suffering on yet another thing.
But people (especially younger people) around me are getting more vocal and comfortable with their sexuality and I was watching Atypical where this teenager was discovering she was bi and I just hit this wall. I had to skip the scene because I couldn’t bear to hear her say, “I’m bi.” It just… Hurt. I both envied her and felt shame I wasn’t her. But it wasn’t the same 15 years ago when I grew up. (which just makes me feel stupid again. 15 years ago is bootycheeks compared to 50 years ago)
Thank you. It’s hard to say more right now because this is a lot to take in… But thank you.
I’ve talked about it a bit with my boyfriend. It’s just hard to talk about it. It’s kind of a new realization for me even though I’ve known it in the back of my mind all along.
And I just can’t help but feel stupid and small for it. Like, “What’s the point? You’re in a straight monogamous relationship. Why are you so attention seeking? Just move on with your life.”
I think I’m the one who needs to accept myself, not other people, reading that last paragraph back to myself lol. I think I’m scared to be bi in a straight monogamous relationship.
Mine isn’t as rare but I’ve never met anyone else in real life who has it. And for 26 years straight I suffered it and saw multiple specialists, none of which ever even considered or knew about my actual illness. I have cyclic vomiting syndrome.
I adore cats and I could not agree with you more. Better the wild cats die than hundreds/thousands of potentially endangered birds.
Between this and Northwestern, I’m so glad student journalism is getting a spotlight!