I know a guy who really fucked a couch. He stopped because his stepdad found out and explained to him that something terrible would happen if he kept doing it.
Anyway, he’s the raddest anarchist I know and the only couch fucker I respect.
Edit: I should say, he’s the couch fucker I respect the most. I don’t want to offend any of my internet friends that might be secret furniture lovers.
Back in the 90s I was regularly buying newly released Pearl Jam albums and loving them. I couldn’t tell you any of the lyrics, even the radio hits. Whatever the hell Eddie Vedder wanted to say will be a secret he takes to his grave.