I’ve been binge drinking on the weekends for 20 something years and I stopped drinking 11 days ago and it’s going well. I feel optimistic. It’s intimidating, but for the first time I’m not afraid of the thought that I can’t drink in the future. I’m excited for it. I don’t HAVE to not drink. I GET to not drink and it feels different this time.

This guy is in to Telsa. Like enough to make an account for them. Odd.

Probably less racist than my Gen X conservative boss though. Probably smarter and more efficient too.

Wanna find out? What’s your phone number?

Warehouse manager came in early (it wasn’t me)

Saw the pallets on the floor lookin’ swirly (it wasn’t me)

Thousands worth of product shattered (it wasn’t me)

Said my forklift skills don’t matter (it wasn’t me)

I know. That’s what makes my joke good.

Oh, shit. Good thing my boss is a chimpanzee.

I hereby claim that the law was broken! Arrest Elon!

I was going to go out and do some racist shit today, but I saw that the NFL wanted to end it, so now I’m seriously reconsidering said racist shit.

What about mass outgoing dick pics? Better not blur those. Those are my money makers.

“We have to save our marriage by devastating our daughter for no reason!”