Hey there. I am incredibly sad, downright depressed and mentally exhausted.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday yesterday for the first time (maybe ever?) with lots of nice people. I invited about 30-50 people. Some, I invited personally, some just casually through groups. Lots of those people I thought of as somehow close and friendly.

I exhausted myself in the effort of preparing the party, I rented a room, I prepared photos, activities, food, music, and just put a lot of mental energy into the planning. I have been planning it for about 2 months, invited those who were most important to me back then even.

5 people showed up.

I am devastated. I was always so anxious about my birthday and never celebrated it. I think I removed myself from groups a lot in my life. And only the last two years, I’ve started to understand my diagnosis and how to communicate with people. This throws all my anxiety and pain back into my body and brain.

I don’t know how to deal with it. Especially I don’t know how to interact with the people that were important to me and who didn’t show (or those who didn’t even cancel). My past behaviour was burning down all the bridges. I don’t think I should do that. But I also don’t know how to pretend like it doesn’t hurt…

Any advice about rejection anxiety and … well, real rejection?

Thank you.

  • Mighty@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    2·
    3 months ago

    Thanks. Those are good points. I’m 40. I’ve been to therapy. And it’s not like I can just go, there’s no spots, no therapists, no waiting lists. I have a social therapist who’s okay, I guess. I’m on bupropion, but after about 2,5-3 years, I finally want to get off it. I hate being on antidepressants so long, I’ve had bad experiences with taking them too long.

    The hard thing about learning these mental patterns and tools as a person with ADD seems to me, like I have to learn them again and again and again…

    I’ve been diagnosed about 2-3 years ago only…

    I’m glad it worked out for you so far. Good luck out there

    • huginnEnglish
      2·
      3 months ago

      Misread another comment on the 40 part - my bad.

      Good luck yourself - Everyone’s journey is different. My ADHD was crippling for decades and it worked out. I hope yours does too - but if it doesn’t ever quite work out I hope you give yourself the grace and the space to be imperfect.