Sorry if this is the wrong place, I just really need to vent somewhere.
I had a followup today to discuss the next steps since neither guanfacine nor atomoxetine worked out. I’ve been waiting for this because I know stimulants are the first line treatment and I’ve had nothing but awful experiences with the other meds. He had me take a drug test ahead of time - to make sure I wasn’t already taking stimulants, he said. I’ve been open about everything I’m on and he said it would be fine. That was a lie.
I tested positive for a bit of weed, which I told him about. It’s legal in my state. Despite saying it was fine before (I asked, specifically), now he changed his tune and said he’s going to keep testing me and if I test positive three times he won’t prescribe me any stimulants.
The kicker? I even have a prescription for it, because I worry about exactly things like this. It’s for chronic pain, but tbh helps my depression and anxiety too. I don’t even use much - about $150 in edibles over the last year. But if I spent that much on alcohol every weekend, that would be no barrier to getting a prescription.
I went in for help and was nothing but honest, and I left feeling attacked over prescription medicine that’s been helping me. What the fuck. I’m so frustrated and angry I just want to cry. Why is it so hard to get help?
Oh 100%, executive dysfunction really is an absolute bitch, and getting through that wall can be the hardest fucking part!
Not to mention just how hard it can be to find medical staff that isn’t burnt out to the point of not giving a crap… :/
I know it seems like just adding an extra step, but have you considered checking if there are any (volunteer) patient advocacy services available near you? I have some other difficulties too, so more help might be available to me, and also I don’t know where you are, in US it might be too big an ask, but having an advocate has been a game changer for me - they help make calls for you to arrange appointments and follow ups and stuff, help liaise with staff if you need them to, basically they jump a lot of the hurdles for you to help you get to where you need to be.
If something like that isn’t available, is there anyone in your life that you’d trust to advocate for you? In any case, you’d need to give permission to your provider to speak to them on your behalf, which again seems like just an extra step, but I really think that sharing some of the burden of acting with someone else can be a great help (though it might not work for you, and that’s ok too).
I have a friend that helps me with some basic stuff, but in recent years they’ve gotten busier and more stressed, and I’m always going to have them put themselves first. They still help a lot, but it has gotten harder when they can’t help and I don’t get my own shit together. I’m embarrassed to admit how long it takes me to find a new doctor or therapist. I’ve never looked into an advocate, though. I don’t think I’d qualify, but I’ll definitely take a look, thanks!
Yeah, it can be hard because everyone has shit going on, it’s why having someone in your life whose specific job is to help you with stuff like this is so helpful, because it feels less like pilling on to someone else. You can of course hire a PA, but that becomes expensive, but it’s definitely worth looking around, try ADHD/neurodiversity specific charities or organisations, but depending on your circumstances you might qualify for other types of places too.
Also, don’t be embarrassed, I’ve taken years to sort shit out, life is already so overwhelming, having additional barriers to deal with these aspects of life can make it almost impossible at times. You’re doing your best.