Married since 2018.
I’m 32 and my boyfriend is almost 50. Are you afraid of your husband dying? What are you planning on doing after he dies?
Not at the moment. He’s extremely active both physically and mentally. We gym together 5 times a week, play sports, eat healthy, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, love things such as chess, puzzles, math, crosswords for working out the cognitive muscles… I honestly never thought about plans after his death. I’ll deal with it when the time comes. I’ll manage. Who knows, I might even die first. I had same age friends already die…
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Why did you decide to do an AMA?
I discovered Lemmy and wanted to interact with some people but didn’t really have anything to post / comment on the main communities around here which seem very niche (technology, politics, Linux). So a Q&A seemed like the best way to go about it.
Thank you for your service 🫡
Would you say that your conversations and discussions are at eye level?
I just ask because i could imagine that it is very demanding for him not to give life advises all the time or take his experiences and project them to your situations. I guess many situations that you have to cope with - he already has a similar story , but still you want to be heard and not directly be given an advice? Also, you might still have the need to explore things yourself and he clearly already experienced a lot and might explain it to you instead of letting you explore by yourself?
I write that without having a bad view on him I just think of my parents being only 20/25 years older than me and not always being able to have that distant view… So I wonder how you deal with that generation gap in your relationship.
I’d say so. I never felt condescension or anything like that in our communication. But admittedly I am very much a listener. I love listening to others, I’m not much of a talker myself. A person who can talk a lot and I just listen is very attractive to me. Plus I’ve always liked to surround myself with people more experienced / smarter than me. As my parents have always said: it’s better to be the fool between intellectuals than the intellectual between fools. I like growing and evolving beside someone who has already gone through it. “Experiencing” things with other inexperienced people (colloquially know as growing together) has never been my thing. I like experiencing things with people who have already gone through it. I like stability, I like a rock. I don’t like being with people similar to me, cause I feel like we always clash. I like being given advice and mentored sorta say. I like someone taking the lead. I don’t believe age gaps relationships are for everyone, because as you said some people prefer being more “peers” and at the same level. I’m the opposite. Even in regards to friends.
Thanks :) that makes sense to me now. :)
How long have you been together, sorry if you answered elsewhere and I missed it?
9 years.
How rich is he?
He’s a judge, he’s financially comfortable. But I’m a notary with my own practice, so I’m also financially comfortable on my own.
Is it particularly common for judges to have this kind of age difference? Do you think his profession is part of the attraction?
I’ve seen it before with a legal scholar and an international judge. I only met them together when he was maybe late 70s and having suffered a stroke, so the age difference was maybe more glaring than when they first met.
I don’t know really, or more specifically I’m not sure. What I do know if you want to talk about judges (both women and men) is that a lot of them are married and in open relationships (or just straight up cheating). Similar with doctors. There’s a saying that people are only as loyal as their options, and in professions seen as “powerful”, you have many options, since for many people power is attractive. It was part of the attraction for me, but I’m also in the same field of work (legal).
Are you in an open relationship?
No.
How did your parents react meeting your now husband? And how did his parents react meeting you?
My parents didn’t have much of a reaction. They said if I like him that’s all, I’ll be the one to be with him not them. His parents are 82 & 87, they were excited for him to remarry. His son (38) was the one who reacted negatively, but he’s come around & now we’re amicable.
Whoa, his son is 7 years older than you??
What is that like? What sort of a conversation did you have with him?
Yeah. He’s really close with his dad. In the beginning he threw a fit. Ignored me, insulted me, trash talked me, etc. I just let him do his thing. Eventually he started being less hostile towards me, then even friendly. He fully came around once he was assured that we wouldn’t have any children. Now we’re amicable. Though him and I don’t hang out or chat in one on one settings.
And how do you feel about it? Does it affect your marriage knowing you’re younger than his child?
I don’t really feel anything. It’s just another piece of info. Doesn’t affect our marriage at all. 99% of the time I don’t even think about it.
Couldn’t he do any better then getting with somebody that doesn’t label their axes?
I think this is some reference but I don’t get it… axes as in x-y axis on a graph or axes as in the things you use to chop wood?
You are correct, the former one.
Hahaha, thanks for the comic!
You haven’t answered the question!
Oh… I do label my axes. But even if I didn’t; why wait for the best when he could have me? hahaha.
Since you are both into law, do you believe justice exist outside of human society?
Wow, interesting question. Yes, I do. Justice in human society is based on fairness and morality. I believe outside of human society the concept also exists, though different motives and all; and it definitely doesn’t take the exact same form as human justice. For example I think outside of human society the main motive is the survival of the species - very primal, very basic. Though these behaviors vary from species to species.
