oh there are lots of ways.

unfortunately a lot of the time, it doesn’t get any easier.

that being said, it all starts with knowing and understanding that, if you love who you are, those mistakes helped make you who you are.

personally that helped me come to peace with the fact that i had fucked up so badly.

next is atonement to yourself and others. that means learning to prevent the mistake from occurring again in the future, helping others that you recognize are making the same mistake so that they don’t have to suffer like you did, and if you hurt someone, apologizing to that person for both their and your own healings sake. sometimes it also means apologizing to yourself.

you do have to understand, though, that people change over time. our mistakes make us who we are. and you are not the same person you were when you originally made the mistake.

last and most unpleasant advice i can give is to allow the feelings to wash over you. our brain is capable of experiencing so many emotions, and each emotion serves a very important purpose. we tend to lead lives that shy away from the unpleasant emotions, but there is value to be had in experiencing them. feeling the shame of making a mistake can drive you to never make that mistake again. that’s valuable, even if it is unpleasant for a time.

signed, a guy working his ass off to be a perfect candidate for a liver transplant after a series of stupid shit decisions and drinking occurred during a divorce and a layoff.

it gets better bro.

Shit happens, I’ve made plenty of mistakes and still do make lots of mistakes and I will keep making lots of mistakes. The goal is to learn from them so as to not repeat them, instead of letting them haunt you for eternity…

Never worry about things you can not change. From what you ate last night, to that one thing you might have done differently that would have changed your life completely; it does not matter one bit.

I believe you need to experience something truly life altering to really, really understand what this means to the fullest extent possible. It is an easy idea to dismiss as simple common sense or obvious. If you are forced to confront this head on with some event that massively alters your life, this ethos takes on a whole different contextual meaning. I wish I could convey the true power of this in words. I see it as a major life lesson. NEVER worry about things you can not change.

Also, feeling stupid about some mistake is something to value, and not a reason to belittle yourself. Feeling stupid, like you would like to make a better choice, is a sign of growth, or at least the opportunity for growth. Always remember, truly stupid people never feel stupid.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Unless you’re a sociopath, nobody gets up in the morning intending to screw up. But we all do. Because we’re human. We’re not perfect. We fuck up.

So stop being so hard on yourself. On any given Thursday, you’re doing the very best you can. Shit happens. Move on. Forgive others when they hurt you just like they forgive you. Forgive yourself. Because nobody’s perfect. You’re doing the best you can.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Unless you can right it, the deed is done. Dwelling on “What if?” just stops you from asking, “What now?”

I tell myself that I have to forgive myself so I can do better, otherwise I’ll stay upset and have bad reactions. Also think of yourself in third person and see how that person is trying to be better and they need help.

Doing these things is not easy and may take some practice on your part, but for me it boils down to the following process:

• be honest with yourself and others, and own up to it, don’t try to pretend it was somebody else’s fault. Apologise to those impacted if you need to. Accept the consequences.

• figure out what you can learn from it - not necessarily the specific details of this mistake but what you can do next time in similar circumstances to avoid making the same sort of error.

• stop wishing for a better past - it won’t happen, so move on.

Do better. Know in your soul you won’t hurt people again. Whatever led you down the path to the mistake that makes you feel guilty, fix it. If you weren’t paying attention, start paying attention. If you weren’t thinking of other people, start thinking of other people.

Overtime your sense of a self-identity will be able to defend yourself from those memories, yeah that was really cringy, but I’m a better person now.

I usually tell myself “Let the dead bury the dead. Who’s alive?” in loud voice, when the mistake pops up in my head. Then I look for why I’m thinking about this - am I about to do it again?

It works for me because it forces me to focus on the present.

I listen to the Sunscreen Song when I’m wrestling with things like this. The quote from it that applies here I think would be

“Don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance… So are everybody else’s”

Turn and burn baby!

Don’t kill the present moment by thinking about the past.

If you’re aware of the mistake, and what you did wrong, you’re now living with the knowledge on how to avoid making the same mistake in the future. You still exist in the here and now, and are free to continue forward in life, knowing you’re better equipped to overcome adversity than you were before.

I try to think of my past mistakes as vaccines. They may have hurt, caused me discomfort, and even make me feel regret or shame to this day, but I lived through it and it made me stronger because of it. Like a vaccine, it equipped me for something more imposing that might come up later in life. It helps me think of the silver lining- that without these mistakes, I would be much more naive, and far more prone to making an even more disastrous mistake later in life, much like how refusing a vaccine will make you more prone to a deadly disease.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Depends on the mistakes, some things were mistakes in hindsight, i don’t feel bad about those. some mistakes are made because people lied, cheated or otherwise giving me wrong input, then I won’t feel ok, these where not really mistakes. Then there are the mistakes I my self make, I’ll try to fix them my self, sometimes other people need to clean up my mess, I’m very sorry when that happens. I apologise profusely but I also know my skills were not up to the job and I need to do better next time ( if I get the opportunity). I mostly (over)think before I do so I won’t make very obvious mistakes. occasionally I do make mistakes due to being lazy, it bites my ass and I have to solve the shit twice. and because im lazy as hell, I really really hate doing things twice.

I haven’t.

I did some really shitty stuff to a lot of people I cared about, to the point where reaching out to apologize would do more damage than good. It’s a burden I’ll have to carry for the rest of my life and more than anything I’ve come to accept that.

Try to be better, try not to repeat the same mistakes. But there’s no secret to forgiving yourself. The only way that comes is with time.

Framing helps. I came up with this mantra when helping a friend with this issue:

It’s a lesson, not an an albatross.