This way of thinking only serves to punish yourself and does nothing to actually help your dog. Dogs get into stuff they shouldn’t. The thing you were supposed to do is exactly what you did, get them to the vet when you realize they are sick. You have no way of knowing what life your dog would have had without you. Some people get dogs and deliberately abuse them. Some neglect them and leave them to starve, chained up in the yard. Some let them wander off-leash and get hit by cars. Some take perfect care of them, and the dog still gets sick from congenital issues or simple freak accident.

You cannot undo the past. You can only do your best to be there for your dog now. Let the vets do their work, and trust that they want her to get through this just as much as you do. And I hope she does get through it. It’s out of your hands now.

What you can do is assume she will come through it and plan out how to give her an even better future. If a particular part of keeping house is difficult, ask a trusted friend or relative to come over and hang out while you work on it, and remind you what you’re supposed to be doing if you get distracted or lose steam. If something would be easier to do with a specific tool, buy that tool. If you can keep the mess localized in one part of the house, buy a toddler gate to restrict your dog’s access. Get a set of clothes that are your ‘cleaning suit.’ Wear it when you clean. If you need to clean, put it on. Wash one dish. Pick up one piece of litter. That first step is the hard one. Make it easier on yourself.

You can’t rewire the human brain, but you can plan around it. Make an effort to try and do a little better, and forgive yourself when you fall short. Piling negativity and blame onto yourself may feel perversely correct, even righteous, but it doesn’t actually solve the problem. Be pragmatic in the extreme. Meet yourself where you’re at, not where you think you ought to be.

I believe in you.