As the title says, I wanna get bottom surgery, but the thing is, I live in a country which has little rights to death penalty for lgbt folks, and I live in a restrictive family that are bigoted and filed with hate. Every time when I get hyped about bottom surgery, I remember I live with worst family in a worst country
And that makes me feel down bad, I just get sad every time when I think about it.
And I was wondering what will be my friends (Online and irl) and my family reaction like if I ever said I wanna get bottom surgery? This scenario makes me heated up and afraid if I ever said it to them I’m now just sitting in my room, so pissed off I live in this country
I wanna get at least help or advice regarding my situation
Thanks to anyone who replied to this post
Bye comrades <3
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I’ll second what others have said already about trying to make an account on Hexbear and posting there since they have a pretty big and active trans community, maybe someone there can help you out.
I hope you can found something to help you out comrade ❤️
I haven’t had surgery. But I’ve been on HRT for 5 years, and have fully transitioned. I live in a fairly socially progressive place, my family does not. My family ranges from bigots to allies, but tends to lean towards bigot. My own results were losing about half of my family, but not a single friend. You can pick your friends, but not your family. I chose great friends.
I’m glad I did it. When I made my final decision, I was prepared to lose it all. My job, my family, my friends. It meant that much to me. That said, I didn’t have to deal with legal problems, outside of obstructing officials. So I wasn’t afraid of being legally punished.
So my advice to you is to not worry about what other people think. You can’t control that, and it’s minor compared to your legal problems. If they really loved you, they would understand. But the legal problems only really have one real solution. Move. Get out of there any way you can.
The only alternative is to find loopholes in your laws. If you live in a larger city, there’s sure to be underground queer movements somewhere. Find them, ask them for help.
Edit: Also, now that I’ve had my caffeine, I also want to add a couple of things.
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Things don’t change unless people are exposed to new things by the people close to them. It’s easy to make oppressive laws when it’s conceived as something scary and foreign. Internal pressure is needed to change the status quo. Obviously it won’t do anyone much good if they execute you, but even if you came out outside of the country, that still challenges the status quo. There’s no need to be a martyr.
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My mom was a lifelong homophobe. What changed her mind about gay people was that one of the elders on my reserve came out as gay. She’d known him for decades, and the reality was suddenly thrust upon her that queer people are normal people and not so scary as she thought. You might be surprised.
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Second cross-posting this on hexbear, particularly https://hexbear.net/c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns. They have a MUCH larger and more active trans community there and I’m sure they’d be able to offer you advice.
I think right now federation may still be down? Not sure but it’s worth a try. :(
Try this link and see if you can cross-post or interact via it maybe: !traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns@hexbear.net (Oof, looks like it’s not working, only old cached content :( )
Thank u for letting me realize the existing of this community!
Also dang no federation ):
Yeah fédération is off for now
Would moving be too difficult in your case? Death penalty sounds serious
Yeah I live in a country with very strict laws regarding LGBT+
I’m surprised you haven’t gotten any responses yet. You might also try posting this on Hexbear if you don’t get anything in a day or so. Take care, comrade!
I once tried to apply for an account on hexbear, they didn’t even sent me email if they declined my application smh… unless if this is how it works if moderators rejected ur app. But I will try posting I guess
You might also check out this post, which mentions transfem.social as another good resource.
Sorry to hear that they didn’t even get back to you. Hexbear can be flaky like that sometimes. You might also try our Matrix group. It’s pretty active, and probably skews younger than Lemmygrad itself: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/1294067
I also want to transition. I don’t know how to go about it, but am receiving help.
I don’t know where else to go online though.
In my case, I called the LGBT hotline at a local LGBT clinic and asked them how I got started on it. (Well, actually I didn’t come right out and say it. I just awkwardly said I didn’t know what I was doing. but the person on the phone clued in when I got excited she mentioned informed consent). She directed me to call a specific doctor who only dealt with trans issues, and told me that people would know what I wanted just by booking the appointment with her.
I booked the appointment, and somehow managed to get HRT without ever saying the word trans, or even really admitting to it. It was one of the scariest days of my life. But also one of the best.
WOW
Yeah, I need this. I just don’t know myself that well, but I hope that I have the courage to do right by myself.
What made me do it was a change of perspective. I was really kind of mad that my 20 year old self didn’t do it. I thought I was too old at that point. But then I followed that logic, and my 60 year old self would likely be just as angry at me for not doing it. I was never going to stop feeling this way. I couldn’t change the past, but I could change the future. There would never be a good time to do it. I may as well get it done today.
As it turned out, it was the perfect time for me to do it. The pandemic lockdown made the early years so much easier. But I didn’t know that was coming.
I thought I was too old at that point. But then I followed that logic, and my 60 year old self would likely be just as angry at me for not doing it.
Didn’t think about it like that…
Frankly, the imposter syndrome is fucking REAL when it comes to gender dysphoria and I hate it.
Yeah. It really is. I still have my doubts about whether I’m trans or not. They’re fading, but still there. But again, it was a shift in perspective that made me go through with it. Even if the hormones didn’t do anything at my age, I would still get some curves in the right places. I would still be happy with that, even if not the dramatic change I wanted. Worst case scenario sounded pretty good to me (totally cis thoughts, right?). If the best case happened, I would figure out what to do then.
It turns out I wasn’t too old, and jumped at the chance to switch completely as soon as I could. And what do you know? The dysphoria is gone now, and I don’t miss my old life. I’m starting to really believe that I might not be cis. And I think my 60 year old self is going to be proud of me.
