I’m so sorry, I couldn’t imagine being on the other end and helping people, only to find no help for yourself, and being encouraged to push others (and yourself) back onto the hamster wheel. I have my own issues (including starting, becoming stuck on, then self clean from, Xanax - that withdrawal is horrendous - as well as the reason for starting it in the first place, which have not subsided but become easier to deal with), I cannot begin to understand where you are coming from.

But you have my sympathies and thoughts all the same. You aren’t alone and people care.