The problem is when they react poorly to our contribution, we internalize the error as our own flaw rather than recognizing we picked shitty people to socialize with.
Usually the room content is:
- Did he “give it” good to her last night?
- Latest sport event and some totally ordinary thing related to it.
- What random lure caught a big fish at some random location.
- Latest news from US/Russia related military conflict and everyones theories about it.
Nobody wants to hear:
- “Your porn inspired style of intercourse probably left her sore or even slightly damaged.”
- “I don’t watch sports of any kind. Please tell me more, so i can pretend to be able to listen.”
- “Same lure, same spot, same weather and you might get nothing. Valid sample set for conclusions is a thing to consider.”
- “Yes. We are reiterating news and making wild guesses without proper intel. Fun”
…so, I’ll be here chatting with the local dog. Dogs can be lonely in a crowd too.
Well I’m a Nobody; not a Usually. They sound boring AF.
Ok, but they are only talking about football, the weather and what Susie did yesterday.
This is what I do
“Read the room.”
I did, there wasn’t a lot of material.
Reading the room is not my way or the Janeway.
This soooo does not work. I felt for 7 of 9 badly here.
To be fair, une of the best things of Star Trek is that a lot of characters are autist-coded, and so very relatable. That’s also why Enterprise was so bad (it didn’t include autistic characters)
Oh yeah! Good catch. That is indeed a huge part of why ENT does not catch the sweet spot.
It works for me mostly. Listen and wait for the right moment add a funny bit or witty quip. Ask questions if there is a lull in the conversation.
Hard part is making funny jokes. The hardest part for me is knowing when to be real. All my advice, when I do it at least, is some advanced masking or performance.
It makes medium to large social much easier to the point where I’ve been called charming and I’m very “successful” at most of them. I’m liked but I feel like some/most friends don’t really know me
Why doesn’t it work? Did you try it with shitty people? Sometimes you have to try over and over to find people who are not shitty.
There are a bunch of deeper rules that no-one tells you. Everything from timing, to topic taboos, to social pecking order.
There’s a whole world of unspoken social rules we have to figure out. Even worse, most NTs follow them instinctively, and so can’t articulate them. They will instinctively punish you however, if you break them.
The people I end up socializing with are not NT.
Ditto, though it’s a spectrum, rather than an either/or. Now I know (some of) the rules, I can understand why a lot of them exist. The difference is I can also help educate people on them. I’ve also learnt to take it with grace when someone does the same courtesy for me. Us neuro divergents need to have each other’s backs as best we can.
That’s it! That’s the part not mentioned in the meme. We have to find each other rather than keep banging our heads against the wall trying to fit in with NTs. ND friends will politely and discreetly tell me when I broke a social rule rather than loudly make fun of me for it.
Find somewhere you can let your weirdness shine and have people be happy for you!
Half of my issue is I forget what was said because Im too focused on responding to that one thing that interestead me about 5 minutes ago, and the topic has changed.
Another is being in a group. Even harder.
Then add being jn a group of people who are speaking a different language that I’m only 60% proficient with… I don’t have a place to enter.
Other times it’s because Im with another ND…
I honestly feel like Im not allowed to speak sometimes.
Other times it’s because Im with another ND…
In a large group there are bound to be multiple NDs. If you all follow the method, you end up in a smaller group with each other. This is ideal.
People have to allow you into the conversation. Most aren’t listening in the first place and are just waiting to speak themselves, often before the first person finishes. They stand in circles tighter than Satan’s butthole. The music is deafening, so if you can’t stand next to the talker, you’ve got no chance. I don’t know why I’m here; I know nobody and nobody seems to want me here.
Or, you can describe to them in detail how and why they are shitty and encourage them to become less shitty. This sort of people find this endearing in my experience.
rather than recognizing we picked shitty people to socialize with
But that was also our own flaw.
Checkmate self-conscious criticism.
For a second I thought you edited 7 of 9 and Lucille Bluth (Jessica Walter) together.
Capt Bluthway: I love all my crew
Later that day
Capt Bluthway: I don’t care for Ensign Kim
Damn they do look similar
Good for her
They don’t give you a handbook on how to be a Starfleet captain!
Would love to know all the little social rules people internalize to “do” this without knowing that they’re doing it.
I don’t think you got much information here, so I’ll chime in with what I can.
The easiest and most successful thing to do is mirroring. It’s easiest to start when speaking to one person or only a few. Notice the person’s posture, positioning, tone and topic. Try to be subtle and align yourself with what they are presenting to you. If they are standing rigidly tall with hands clasped behind their back like a drill sergeant, maybe stand up straight with your hands loosely at your sides and ask short clarifying questions. If they are seated, take a seat if you can, to be at eye level.
Now also match them in tone and content of the conversation. If they are telling stories of personal experience, then add your own related story if you have one, once they draw their story to a close. Match the energy that they put out.
This is how a socially awkward person like myself manages to pass for an extrovert. Also, people will think you are the best conversationalist ever if you just ask leading questions. People love to talk, and if you encourage them and make them feel heard and important, they will think highly of you and seek out your company in the future.
ask leading questions
This is key. Don’t ask yes or no questions, otherwise it’ll feel like a interrogation quickly. Ask questions that they can tell a story from/talk a lot about themselves.
Took me far too long to learn the difference.
That is really helpful actually!
Fuck their rules. Keep searching for people who don’t make you adhere to rules.
Not rules per se but guidelines. Modes of operation. Protocols, like modems negotiating a connection speed. I get that there are behaviors that make people feel comfortable and behaviors with the opposite effect. It would be nice to have a more holistic understanding of these.
Never under any circumstances give Ensign Kim hope!
One of us! One of us!
Immortality comes at a price.
i got actually fucking screamed at for saying “hail gay satan” while everyone else was saying “hail neil breen” wtf else do you expect me to do? i have never seen a neil breen movie and i’m your queer acquaintance with religious trauma who nobody apparently told that that the fact they were a legit satanist made them uncomfortable.
“hail gay satan”
religious trauma
…
is that like a horse and cart thing, or a chicken and egg thing?
the church invalidated what it had taught me in its actions against others in the aftermath of 9/11. cue 11yo good cisgender christian girl’s 25-year (and still ongoing) transformation into a gay, trans witchthing that found spiritual comfort with other queer lefty demonolators.
which idiom does this answer fall under?
no one can be held responsible for irl satanists. it has to be in the top 3 minorest of minorities.
and that’s coming from a member of an ethnic group classified as “critically endangered”
edit: last part was a joke, in case it’s not clear. whole reply is a joke, really. sorry what was the topic again? jk
vastly far more widespread than is openly promoted.
Why were people hailing neil breen? Was this like a worship service? Because I’d call that a cult and GTFO.
