like all the fuckin ads with the hugging families around winter. any educationally normal adult knows everyone just gets more stressed, with travel and gifts and social obligations and everything, but you’re not even allowed to…openly feel that, it seems? it’s like there’s this happiness benchmark you have to reach, otherwise you’ll feel even shittier and sadder for not having a happy holiday season
Yep I’m a looser, I am expected at a Christmas gathering, I am expected to bring some food, gifts for 7-9 childrens that aren’t mine, a gift for the host, a costume etc… I’m so broke I don’t eat every mealtime and I have to buy all that shit that will be thrown in the garbage bin a few days later. And if I don’t show up I’m an asshole who doesn’t care about my friends and family. I love puting up decorations and having a good meal but what if I can’t afford it, take out another loan that will come back to haunt me later on ?
“I couldn’t afford to buy anyone gifts this year”, is a complete sentence.
It comes with a feeling of failure that’s hard to deal with. Even if I know it’s all a capitalist construct made to make me feel that way.