I don’t know how else to describe it, but all my male friends and family are very unemotional. Not in the sense that they don’t feel anything, but that they are a lot better at handling them and I feel like I’m not. I’ve tried meditation, therapy, healthy eating and a better sleep schedule but nothing works. I still anger and get upset at the smallest things and I feel like I’m less masculine than my friends. Im even known as the super emotional guy in the group and they often tease me about it, which makes things worse. My family constantly talk down to me as I don’t work out much and am very thin and short while my younger bros are jacked and tall. I don’t know what to do and really needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.
I think this is an important distinction. You don’t want to become unfeeling, but you do want to become more in control of your feelings. That’s a sign of maturity (tho many adults don’t really manage to get there).
This takes time. Stick with it for a few years and you will see improvement. It’s not easy to grow and change, so give yourself time, and don’t give up.
Life isn’t easy for most of us. Just keep at it. Build healthy habits and over time you will see improvement.
I also recommend reading Stoic philosophy. Not the pop-culture unfeeling stuff. But the stuff about knowing the difference between what’s in your control and what’s outside of your control.
Adding on,.what we’re talking about here is emotional regulation. This isn’t the same as controlling emotions, nor doing away with them. More like managing the volume so you can actually listen to them.
You could even take out the word emotion and simply talk about self-regulation. @PostalDude if that’s the case, it’s not just whether you’ve tried meditation or therapy. On top of sticking to them because it can take time, the type of therapy matters. DBT is a specific modality which offers a lot of tools for self-regulation. This doesn’t mean dispensing with other approaches; but it’s a good place to start. Person-centered therapies might be subsequently useful and perhaps EMDR if you suspect a trauma element (just some examples. Not prescriptive).
From there understanding the effects of culture is good and so is looking at (real) Stoicism. But the latter is almost a later stage step, in that you want to be in the right frame of mind to properly apprehend it.
Ehhhhhhhhh… You want to be in control of your actions. Trying to control your feelings just tends to lead to thinks like repression.
Yeah, exactly. Feelings inside will just build up. Been there, I’ll never come back.
You also want to regulate your feelings. It’s not helpful to e.g. let your anxiety drive you into a frenzy, or your depression drive you to harm yourself. Emotional regulation (not suppression) is an important skill.
True, and fair. A big part of regulation, though, is actually feeling and acknowledging those emotions, and giving them permission and space to exist.
Observation vs containment.
if your anxiety is running crazy it’s doing so for a reason
Often that reason is you keep dismissing the part of yourself whose entire purpose is to protect you from danger
What do you expect it to do but get worse? You’re ignoring the alarm bell, all it can do is ring louder and harder.
“regulating” that signal is the exact wrong response, even in extreme cases. You need your fear and anxiety to regulate itself to be properly tuned to the danger you need to be aware of, which means more communication with your self, not less.
Wholeheartedly disagree. This is an unhealthy attitude to take.
Regulating your own actions is an important skill, and seeing and understanding how those actions relate to those emotions, that as well.
But your emotions are part of you, they are a part that deserves to be listened to and respected, and nothing in your response indicates you put in effort to do that.
Which makes sense. We, as men, are not at any point given the time or space to do so, and are often just physically beaten if our emotions are ever a problem for other people. It makes sense that repression and controlling them becomes the go-to for most
Doesn’t make it right (or healthy)