I don’t know how else to describe it, but all my male friends and family are very unemotional. Not in the sense that they don’t feel anything, but that they are a lot better at handling them and I feel like I’m not. I’ve tried meditation, therapy, healthy eating and a better sleep schedule but nothing works. I still anger and get upset at the smallest things and I feel like I’m less masculine than my friends. Im even known as the super emotional guy in the group and they often tease me about it, which makes things worse. My family constantly talk down to me as I don’t work out much and am very thin and short while my younger bros are jacked and tall. I don’t know what to do and really needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.
I just don’t have time to do a proper response right now. I think pretty much everything you’ve said is incredibly helpful and I can only speak for myself here, but I hope you stick around.
Except one thing. Blaming it all on the patriarchy. I’m pretty sure that it’s not your intent, but I think this is not a good thing to do, especially when speaking to a vulnerable man. I’m sure you have your definition of what the patriarchy is and that it clarifies why what you said is perfectly reasonable, but from the perspective of a vulnerable man hearing “patriarchy” this and “toxic masculinity” that (which to your credit, you didn’t say the latter), rationally or not leads many to start seeing masculinity itself as problematic. Which for vulnerable men, especially those with anxiety issues leads to self loathing and a lot worse problems down the road.
Frankly, I think, when trying to help vulnerable men, you should make sure to keep feminist ideology out of it. Otherwise you risk making things worse, not in a big hit, but in a death of a thousand cuts kind of way.
Does that make sense?
This may seems like a strange source by I really enjoyed the Copenhagen Pride definition of feminism
This definition of feminism is what they want you to think. If you actually read the ideologies behind OG feminists, what feminism means is far from just equality between men and women. It’s just a misandrist movement that really stands for female superiority. The concepts they came up with such as patriarchy theory and male privilege really comes from blaming societies gender problems on men. Read Elizabeth Stato, Kate Millett, Andrea Dworkin, and idk this subs opinion on Janice Fiamengo but if you don’t wanna do the grueling research, she can break it down for you. This will tell you everything you need to know about real feminism, not the brainwashed crap that hides behind a progressive mask that’s out there.
If you live in an oligarchy, does that make you an oligarch? Are you responsible for what the oligarchs do? If not, then why does the same not apply to patriarchy?
Contrary to your perspective here, I think it is useful to examine the social context, including how gender is systemically wielded to reinforce power structures that were designed to support the lifestyles of a select few. Living in a patriarchal society doesn’t mean you inherently benefit simply by being a man. It’s more about putting you into a box so you behave as expected and perform the roles pushed onto you. Having narrow definitions of masculinity or femininity and strictly defined gender roles (no crossing over!) are a big part of building and maintaining those boxes for everyone.
This post above particularly emphasized the value of breaking out of those expectations:
Exactly. It’s not men in general that have been in power, but a select few men and women. It is then incorrect to use the terms patriarchy and patriarchal systems (as commonly understood) to describe our society. Because there are plenty of men at the bottom too, even more so.
that “and women” part does not get said often enough
Most of these institutions were created by monarchies to keep the monarchies in power. The last monarch of any real note was a woman, and had decades of ruling time under her belt. This, however, still gets blamed on “patriarchy” and men as a whole, as if the men being subjugated were responsible for their own subjugation.
It’s an extension of the hyperagency society forces on to men, and incredibly sexist to keep using the term “patriarchy” or especially to throw it in a victim’s face, it’s essentially victim blaming at that point. “Oh it was men who caused the problems so any problems you, as an individual man, face are your own fault!”
This is a great definition. It shows how these hierarchical systems are set up to support just a few. Everyone else gets just enough to survive but only by sacrificing a portion of their selves. They are suppose to feel lucky since they are not at the bottom.
except we don’t live in a patriarchal society
men do not benefit just from being men, they have to claw and compete and struggle to get to those positions of power, and usually once they they stop other men from getting in
It’s the implication that this is a male issue, and that females would and do behave at all in any way better when in those same positions that we take issue with.
They don’t, they wouldn’t have, it’s insanely sexist to believe otherwise, and insisting on using terms like “patriarchy” when we definitely don’t live in one in western society and haven’t for at least a century is incredibly problematic, especially when speaking to a victim of geocentrism and using it to dismiss his valid feelings.