CHICAGO—Eradicating any sense of respectability and gentlemanliness he thought he possessed during the long winter months, local man Brendan Watt was reminded Thursday by the return of more revealing spring attire that he is nothing more than a vulgar, hormonal ogre who has to actively keep his thoughts and gaze in check whenever he goes out in public, the disheartened 33-year-old confirmed to reporters. “God,” Watt reportedly said to himself while walking to work amid a variety of women wearing skirts and light strapless garments, as he arrived at the annual realization that he is, despite his best hopes, a chemically driven beast who must mentally tell himself he doesn’t need to take another glance at women who pass by in tank tops and yoga pants. “And there’s still five more months of this, for Christ’s sake.” At press time, Watt had just caught himself taking a second look at a girl who—Jesus—was a good 15 years younger than him, and was sadly accepting that this is just who he is.
I agree. What I mean to point out, is that I am not physically capable of not reacting. I don’t want to react, I don’t want to be consumed, but if a hot person enters my field of view, I will often have an involuntary and noticeable reaction. Typically when this happens I will leave wherever I am and go home.
This happened in a bar for example, and after seeing this person, and obviously stopping what I was saying mid sentence, and being visibly very uncomfortable, I turned to my girlfriend and told her that I had to leave. I felt sick and nauseous for a few hours afterward.
I relate to the discrepancy between my desire to not be strongly affected by the people around me, and also not show any reaction, and my physical or mental incapability of doing so. The guy in the story is one who feels grossed out by their own body, and wishes they weren’t affected the way that they are. I am similar, not only do I feel guilty for potentially making people uncomfortable, but I feel physically sick because they can be so intense. That doesn’t mean I or the man in the story are carelessly checking people out constantly.
Again though, I’m so disabled by autism that I will likely never be capable of living independently, so your and my experiences of the world could be vastly different. You probably understand your average man better than I ever could.
do wonder if a person like me will ever truly have a place in larger society. Autistics who cannot predict or control violent physical meltdowns are obviously not monsters, and it’s obviously not their moral liability for being disabled, but we can also recognize, as they usually do, that it is dangerous to be around them. (From taking to other autistics with those struggles, they all said that was how they felt).
I can recognize that possibly a person like me shouldn’t participate in social events, because me being around people shouldn’t have to come at the cost of making other people suffer. I’ve honestly mostly accepted that I am kind of a blight. I just try to stay out of society as much as I can and still survive.
Edit: seeing hot people in person can instantly trigger an autistic shutdown/meltdown in me and ever though I’m not trying to check people out, it is impossible to hide when I happen to notice hot people. Doesn’t happen every time, but it is deeply humiliating every time it happens.
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Another thing I was thinking about. I have you cornered and now I’m gonna autistic rant at you. So I used to think that being a chaser simply meant finding a trans person attractive. I was really worried that I was being a chaser by being attracted to my girlfriend. She also had the same thought of herself as a chaser for being attracted to me.
However, I just got
message five minutes ago and now I think I understand what the word means.
Men can be so confusingly gross that I fail to even perceive their existence until it smacks me in the face.
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Well you probably have a point. Thanks for listening to me. I wonder if this will be insightful for non-autistic or not. I think men specifically are so genuinely shitty that the things that women complain about them doing don’t even really register for me as actual choices, and I often misunderstand because of that. (I am a woman too, but I feel like I’m outside of humanity, so that’s why I talk like that)