Thank you for the kind message. It is good to hear that it is possible to have it great even after a miscarriage. I have had two miscarriages and two biochemical pregnancies. I did not really have time tomprocess this yet, as I had to continue treatment as my fertility is further declining due to my age. I think that might be part of the emotions as well.

It is difficult for me to not wager my personal happiness on it. I have a small nephew and when I take care of him, it just makes me very happy. It makes me feel like I would be as happy or even happier with my own child. Also, I was abused as a child and I feel that I did not have parents that really loved me. It feel unfair that I am not able to experience the mother/child bond from the perspectives of a child as well as that of a motger.

I also tried to take care of my younger siblings when I was a child. I was able to provide them with some of the emotional support my parents failed to provide, but because I was too young myself I always felt like I was not able to give them what they need. I am an adult now and I feel like I am capable now of providing children with a safe and warm environment. And I feel like I have all this love to give, but there is no child to give it to. I do not know where to put it.

I don’t know. Having a child will not fix all of this and a child does not exist to fix this or to make me happy. However, it could have been an area of my life that could have been beautiful and where I might have been able to give something and be valuable. And instead, this also does not work out and is another thing that goes on the pile of things that have failed in my life.

I agree that staking my life’s success on it is not a good idea. But I am not sure what else I have left. I am trying to become a writer and I am writing down all my experiences from my youth and with my sister who passed away and my fertility treatments, and so on. Maybe it can help some people who experience the same things. I think that might be fulfilling maybe and a way to create something positive out of the things that feel negative now.

Sad and empty. I love kids. I had fertility treatments for years, but that did not work out. I will start IVF again in a couple of days. Hopefully it will work this time. It is one of my last chances.

I would like to adopt or have foster kids. However, I suffer from PTSD and in my country it is very difficult to adopt or foster if you have a background with mental illness. Even though my psychologist and the people in my environment all say that they think I would be able to do it and my partner does not have any mental illness, my chances are very low.

To be honest, looking any further than the next IVF makes me panic. I do not know how to live with not having kids and how to deal with that. I had a lot of bad stuff happen to me. Having children would be something I believe would have made me very happy. It feels like I failed at life. However, I just turned 40, so I know I need to give up at some point.

I have hyperphantasia according to these kinds of tests (although I am not sure how accurate they are). In any case, the ball was white with a green glow it was smooth and looked like plastic but no seams where the halves were joined, male, like a large blue bird I saw in a cartoon, a bit larger than a baseball, the table was a very long rectangle shape. It was also white. The ball was pushed very hard from one end of the table to the other and then it bounced on the wall, the floor and the ceiling. The room was a bit small, with only a very small window rectangular window. It was black behind the window. The room was also rectangle shaped, with concrete grey walls. It was a bit dark, but there was some artificial light from a lamp. The bird acted very cartoonish when pushing the ball. I think that is all.

Dat is bij mij nog niet gebeurt.

( ͡°❥ ͡°)

Give

It is very secure

The oldest church was built around 1200, on the remains of an older church from the 7th century and you can go below ground to view those. We also have some Roman ruins from a castellum build around the year 47 you can also go and view.

Edit: The castellum is gone, but there are just some walls and stones.

My research is so specific that I would doxx myself if I explained what I do.

I am sorry to hear that. I think your mother ignoring autism can be as harmful as her telling you have it while you don’t. In both cases, you are not seen and accepted for who you are.

I have an official document stating that if I am incapable of making decisions, my parents are not allowed to make decisions for me and they cannot be with me in the room by themselves or touch me. I feel quite guilty about that, but I just cannot deal with what will happen otherwise.

Yes, definitely. I did have a lot of symptoms of trauma as a child, in hindsight. This provided an explanation for that in which my parents weren’t blamed for it and it was just all on me again.

No apologies necessary, in my opinion. You did not mean anything negative and you did not know. I just wanted to explain the other side.

I can see that you did not mean anything offensive by it. However, I have had similar things happening to me (misdiagnosis of autism so my parents did not have to take responsibility for tramuatising me) and I might have responded similarly.

When someone imposes a diagnosis on you that is wrong and does it for selfish reasons, when you are a child, it is very harmful. It hurts your feeling of self worth to the core and makes you constantly question yourself and who you are. It takes a lot of strength to stop the selfdoubt and finally conclude that you do not have autism and that what you feel and think is correct and not what you have been told all your life by the people you were supposed to be able to trust. That is really a very difficult thing to do, because the anxiety that something is “wrong” with you after all is always there. It takes courage.

If you have been struggling with questioning yourself in this way and if you state that you are not autistic after all, then it is difficult to deal with a response suggesting that you might be wrong. That is almost painful.

I know that you did not mean it that way. There is no way you could have known if this is something you have no experience with. Also, I cannot say something about why someone else responds in a certain way. I might be wrong about that. However, when I read your question, I immediately got quite triggered as well. I guess I just wanted to explain where a response like this can come from in some cases.

Are you still in that situation or do you mean that that happened in the past? For me it got better once I left home. Although I was still in contact with her. Now it is much better, because I only occasionally have contact with her and only via text. It took me years to get there, but I did. I hope you do too if you have not already.

The same thing happened to me. I did not know it is a common thing! I was told I am autistic, but it turns out I have CPTSD. I think telling me I was autistic it was just an easy was to blame the ways in which I responded to being traumatised on me again.

I thought I was the only one! I really did not know that this is something that happens more often.

My mother managed to convince her psychiatrist to diagnose me with autism when I was 13. He told me that I had autism and that if I did not get treated, I would be alone forever and I would never be able to make friends. He also called it a handicap. No treatment was started, there was no help or anything after that. The psychiatrist told me and I never saw him again. My mother told everyone around her I was autistic and they all felt very bad for her, including me. I felt really sad she had me for a daughter and I hated myself for being who I was. I also was bullied in school and I thought it was my own fault because I was autistic and therefore I did stuff that made others bully me. I was the one in the wrong and it was just a response to that, I felt.

Turns out I am not autistic at all. Like, I had it checked out thoroughly and there was no doubt about it. I actually an able to emphasise with others better than average etc. I also have some really close friends, which I made once I was able to leave home. I do have CPTSD though from severe emotional neglect and psychological abuse.

It is so weird to see similar stories here. I know my social skills are fine, but I still feel insecure about my social functioning. I am always looking for stuff I might do wrong that confirms that I am autistic after all. I also still feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me and as if my existence is somehow an enormous burden for others. (This is not how I feel about autistic people, but it is how I was made to feel about myself by that diagnosis.) It is a feeling that is very difficult to change.

This is very scary.

Very solid argumentation…

It is not. I am not saying people should not eat healthy or should not try to lose weight. I am just saying that pushing the oversimplification that for everyone it is just calories in vs calories out and that it is only about willpower is not correct. People should get the right help with losing weight and the factors that cause the weight gain or makes people not losing the weight should be addressed.

There is lots of scientific work on this. I copied some links from another comment I made.

For example, this is an article in Journal of Obesity. It discusses the role of willpower and provides an overview of some of the research on other factors that affect whether people lose weight, such as metabolic compensation.

This is another interesting paper in the Irish Journal of Medical Science on patient’s view on obesity as a disease. I think the conclusion of this study aligns well with some of my claims:

The presence of beliefs and perceptions to support the narrative that obesity is a choice, that choosing to eat less and move more effectively treats the disease and willpower is a principle determinant of weight loss maintenance may negatively impact long-term treatment. A belief that obesity is a choice will see prevention and treatment strategies continually focus on education regarding eating less and moving more, which may be suboptimal. Therefore, the narrative must change and align with the science regarding the biology of obesity as a disease.

[This] (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0953620521000029) paper on weight regain also claims that it is not just about compliance with a diet, but that, amongst others, metabolic adaptation and changed appetite play an important role as well.

If you disagree, please provide some substantiation. I would be interested in reading it.

Thanks! I think you are describing what a lot of people experience. Weight loss is highly complex and by oversimplifying it, lots of people do not get the help they need and are made to feel bad about themselves.

There is actually quite some scientific work supporting what I am saying. For example, this is an article in Journal of Obesity. It discusses the role of willpower and provides an overview of some of the research on other factors that affect whether people lose weight, such as metabolic compensation.

This is another interesting paper in the Irish Journal of Medical Science on patient’s view on obesity as a disease. I think the conclusion of this study aligns well with some of my claims:

The presence of beliefs and perceptions to support the narrative that obesity is a choice, that choosing to eat less and move more effectively treats the disease and willpower is a principle determinant of weight loss maintenance may negatively impact long-term treatment. A belief that obesity is a choice will see prevention and treatment strategies continually focus on education regarding eating less and moving more, which may be suboptimal. Therefore, the narrative must change and align with the science regarding the biology of obesity as a disease.

[This] (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0953620521000029) paper on weight regain also claims that it is not just about compliance with a diet, but that, amongst others, metabolic adaptation and changed appetite play an important role as well.

I am personally quite interested in work on obesity due to eating disorders. The reason for this is that I suffered from an eating disorder causing obesity for most of my life (fortunately, I do not have the disorder anymore). The constant pressure to just eat less and getting blamed if you fail, severely increased my eating disorder and I saw the same thing happen to others with similar issues. I know that this is anecdotal and not everyone that is obese has an eating disorder and not everyone with an eating disorder is the same. However, there is some limited evidence that weight neutral treatment of binge eating disorder has better outcomes. This and treatment for my CPTSD is exactly what worked for me.