Maybe it started out because when I was little I was a bit above average, always being used to spot #1 really eroded my sense of modesty.
Now my grades are really down and with that I’m giving myself yet another cigarette to deaden my mind, I’m starting to antagonize even the bois in class that cheered me up - just because their grades are nigh impeccable while seemingly only I suffer from ‘blunders’, somethimes I become exceptionally petty and secretly wish they too would do a fuck-up once.
For a place in uni later on I don’t actually have to stress myself too much, but seeing my grades less than that of younger classmates gives me anything but peace at mind. And the night before I prepared myself up until 2 a.m…
I always appear to have less friends, my hobbies are obscure, things I can say to hold a conversation is getting… fewer by the day, I don’t know any memes anymore, my interests are too esoteric, I have nothing much going on. The only thing I could only boast about these days, my limited language capabilities, is now also aggrevating my inferiority complex - I met a foreigner that is so keen on my language he is starting to ask me questions I can’t even answer because I had not even known about such grammar/words. He’s 13. I’m legally a man now.
So what do I have bois, save a muddled mess of half-cockedness, inextricable tangles of social life and everpresent thoughtlessness in every aspect
I’m aware of my case. The mates I have, my family, they all console me, told me not to give a damn, I know it only worsens my case but the sentiment kicks in almost instinctlively, I don’t want to wish harm upon anymone, I don’t want to further terrorize my already sickly mental health. It feels so hard to accept that one can’t win against someone at times, at least for me
Tears are gushing out of my eyes at the moment I write this sentence, can I even help my miserable self at this point
Sorry if I’m on the wrong forum again mates, I just don’t want to burden known associates about this
Sorry to hear this op.
I think the best thing you can do right now is stop smoking and starting vaping/nicotine gum. You’ll seriously thank yourself for it.
Maybe you’re suffering from a depressive episode, have undiagnosed dyslexia or adhd, or just loosing interest in your current educational curriculum
Sorry I don’t have any specific advice
If you’re not going to study the curriculum, study theory. This can be YouTube, audio books, podcasts, whatever works best for you
Studying a subject in depth can give you skills and insights into other subjects, so studying theory will never be a complete waste
Good luck
One thing that many people fail to understand is that there is no such thing as perfection. People who appear to be perfect are simply hiding their failures because they want to seem perfect. These types of people will announce it to everyone when they get an amazing grade or do something really well, but if they mess up, they won’t say a word about it and will just pretend it never happened and avoid the subject.
This makes a lot of people upset, because they think that they’re the only ones who have problems, but I assure you, most people feel the same way. That’s why they hide their failures, because they think everyone else is perfect and will judge them for it. What they don’t realize is that by doing so, they are perpetuating the very thing they’re so upset about.
I have always had issues in school due to my Autism and ADHD not being well-suited for a school environment, and for much of my life, I felt the same as you. Recently, I had a major breakdown caused by school. It was very bad, I was depressed and in a really bad state. This breakdown has since caused me to leave school entirely. At the time, I felt like everyone else was perfect while I constantly failed at everything despite wanting to succeed. If there is anything good that came of that breakdown, it is the realization that I am not the only one who feels that way. Everyone who I expressed my issues to said they feel the same way.
What I’m trying to say is: don’t feel so bad about your grades. No one has perfect grades, and even if they did, grades are not more important than your life. You should ask the question “why do I care so much?” When I asked myself that, I realized that I cared because I was told to care. I was told that if my grades weren’t good, I would be a failure who would be homeless for the rest of my life. While I knew that wasn’t necessarily true, it was ingrained into my mind, and so having bad grades caused me to get upset because subconsciously, I thought it would essentially ruin my entire life. Fortunately, that is not necessarily the case. There are many jobs that do not require high grades or university degrees. These jobs are no worse than any other, and there is no shame in doing them, unlike the capitalists who own the educational institutions would like you to believe
Listen, mate. I don’t know you from a hole in the ground. But reading your post, I can tell you’re dope as fuck, and I’ve been around a while. I think I know what’s going on with you. You’re on your way somewhere new. You’re done with the old life, the old world, the old way of living. That’s schoolboy shit. But you don’t have the new thing yet. In essence, you’re moving on but you’re experiencing the separation and it hurts. You’re trying to make sense of it so you think it’s an inferiority complex. It’s not. It’s genuine anger at the past. The past sucked. They lied to you. They managed you. They made you believe falsehoods before you knew better. And now? You’re a man now. And you’re on your way. You don’t know where that is, but you got bois here waiting for your ass to hurry up and get here already. Leave that shit behind. It’s the old way. It’s the kid’s life. The new life is bigger, it’s meaner, it’s harder, and it’s way more complex and interesting and rewarding than that sugar coated candy land. You don’t need to beat anyone. You need to leave them in your dust, looking down the road wondering where you’re off to now. But you’re gone man. You just don’t know where you’re gonna land yet. And that’s alright. You’ll have bois where ever you do land. And they’ll be the kind of bois who know what you’re on about, they’ll know what matters, and you won’t even remember this moment.
Except maybe the day you read this comment.
Thanks chief really awe-inspiring of you
You’re not gonna get better grades by smoking, staying up at night, and bottling up your emotions, that’s for sure. You should stop that before any of those become an ingrained habit. And if they already are then you should reach out to your friends and family for help and tell them everything you’re telling us. Don’t take the people around you for granted, if they’re consoling you now then they don’t think of you as a burden and won’t hold your grades against you.
Besides, you said you don’t need to stress yourself to get accepted into university so why does this weigh so heavy on your mind? So what if some of the people you know are smarter than you? There’s no shame in that. You can learn a lot from having smart friends. And I’m sure that to many people, you are the smart friend they judge themselves against.
Ultimately when it comes to stuff like this, the only person you should be comparing yourself to is yourself. Also, you shouldn’t worry about having niche hobbies cuz there’s no shortage of weirdos with esoteric interests in college haha
Alright mates thanks for all the condolences and wishes for me, that meant a lot and it’s been a better day - mates saved me from isolation by getting me to a dine-out, also to liven up the already very dampened atmosphere that beset us all.
Inferiority complex will linger on for the foreseeable future but hopefully I won’t break down so often again
Cheers bois I’ll see you on a more lightened affair
