This is one of a series of discussion posts based on questions from the AQ-10 autism test.
3. I find it easy to “read between the lines” when someone is talking to me.
- Definitely Agree
- Slightly Agree
- Slightly Disagree
- Definitely Disagree
Is this statement true for you? Can you think of any examples? Is it an easy or difficult question for you to answer?
You can take the full AQ-10 test here. Note this test is intended as a quick screener, and cannot diagnose or rule out any condition on its own.
I used to really suck at it, but I’m in my thirties and I’ve gotten some practice.
Now I’m running into a different problem. People will say something, and I’ll point out a very obvious subtext or logical conclusion of what they said, and then they get pissy and start saying I’m making things up.
I wish I had a good example, but my memory sucks, and nothing comes to mind right now.
I mean the things about subtext (besides being annoying and stupid) is that they are mostly used so the subtext ISN’T said out loud. For example if i would point out how it is getting late, because i am simply bored and want to go, i would deny the accusation of being bored. Humans are weird man.
So, gosh.
Does anyone find it easy to read between the lines? I’ve met people that think they do, but they’re wrong. People who can spot lies, people who can read energies, people who know what you really meant, people who are just saying what everyone was thinking. They’re always wrong and they’ll never believe they were wrong. The only correct answer for anyone honest with themselves is Definitely Disagree.
Here’s some things I know about intuiting unstated messages (“reading between the lines”).
- people are communicating for a reason, and that reason is part of the intended message. It may be just talking for politeness or to pass the time, or it may be they want you to do something or understand something related to what they’re talking about
- the demeanor is part of the message. Do they seem happy, sad, angry, excited?
- sometimes, something being left unsaid is part of the message. If they say you should meet, but don’t suggest a time or place, maybe they don’t really intend to meet
I’ve tried to read between the lines when communicating with people and end up either confused or reading things that aren’t there (they’re angry/frustrated when they’re not, etc). My team at work has gotten used to me asking clarifying questions and having me say “that’s good but I need to understand x”.
No, but I practice and I am getting better.
It used to take me years to realize someone was trying to say something else than what they were actually saying. These days I often figure it out a mere hour after the conversation happened.
^this I can totally relate. The worst thing is when the "between the lines " message is about me. I hate to miss those and understanding later
I just took the AQ-10, and it says I’m am definitely allistic. I have been cured using the unsolicited allistic and altruistic advice of trying harder and not faking it anymore as an excuse. Thank you to everyone that told me why I was being autistic. I hope everyone here can find the strength to try harder and not fake it anymore as an excuse so that you could be normal and responsible for the emotions of the people that found your authenticity threatening or insulting. /s
jk, I scored an 8, so still pretty me 🤪
Dude, I lost my job and ran out of contacts at the same time. Living with my parents while I get back on my feet, and they fucking accused me of faking not being able to see without my contacts.
After a month, a friend offered to buy me some contacts, and my mom’s response was to get all defensive and say she would have helped, she didn’t want to “enable me”.
I’ve worn glasses and contacts for two decades… Some people are just plain stupid and so far up their own asses, that they’ll think and say anything as long as it lets them tell themselves they’re not wrong.
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Do you want to know the worst part? The next morning, she sent me a random Facebook video. It was a video of some asshole telling you to stare into the Sun for better eyesight…
https://www.facebook.com/reel/1232929208094631?sfnsn=mo&s=F5x8gs&fs=e&mibextid=6AJuK9
I guess she thought this counted as “helping”.
That sounds miserable! Wth…wth 😮💨 I hope you get out of that ASAP.
Ohoh. We’ve got some reading between the lines live practise!
Bad day?
Yes, bad week. Thanks for asking! And sorry for the displeasure :/
Hey, don’t hold back on a good rant. Hope the worst is over.
I’m upset because my autism therapist pointed out that some of the behaviors of some people I thought were cool were actually them testing my autism as if I was faking it, and then getting upset with and punishing me for faking it.
This “asking questions challenges my authority” crap can go die in a fire. Am I asking why you’re the boss? Then maybe I’d be challenging your authority. Until then I’m asking questions because it would be helpful for me to know the answers.
Anyway, it sounds like you’re not safe in that environment. I’m sure you already know that, and I don’t know what options you have in your situation, but you’ll work something out.
This weird attitude towards questions has puzzled me most of my life. People holding work presentations going “save your questions until the end” and being upset at people asking for completely necessary clarification in order to follow their presentation.
And people who ask USELESS questions at the end, which serves no other purpose than showing the audience that they too are very smart.
It’s just a social positioning ceremony for some people.
Just a heads up, I would take online tests with a grain of salt. I’ve always scored right below the threshold on online tests but I’ve been officially diagnosed by a handful of different doctors. It is entirely your choice to get an official diagnosis (mine was not my choice but I do not have it on my medical record), but at the end of the day, if you absolutely feel like you have it, you probably have it. Just use them to give you kind of an idea, remember that autism is something that you can compensate for and teach yourself how to work around, but it isn’t something you can get rid of. That’s why I’ve never really done well with online tests because they are primarily behavioral rather than mental.
I took that AQ-10 test, and also pondered this particular question. No, I suck at reading between the lines. Give it to me straight, please. No beating around no bush.
Figures of speech pose an equal problem: I may just lack the cultural awareness that allistic people enjoy, but it’s rare for me to understand a common phrase, and more often than not I’ll invent a completely new one.
Reading between lines: do allistic people do that? How? Is it some skill I can learn?
Ironically enough, they put a figure of speech right there in the question 🤦
Indeed. I’m not totally oblivious. Luckily I have learned a few phrases and figures of speech. But it seems I had a way harder time learning those than my school mates who weren’t on the spectrum.
