In recent weeks I have met a pretty and sweet girl with what I consider her only biggest problem: her IQ. She is slow, does not remember things and has no concentration at all, has no arguments, systematically repeats the usual twenty words. (A bit like the character of Forrest Gump, for those who do not know what low iq means). I feel like I like it to go deeper, but I wonder if it’s not a mistake. Do you have similar experiences?

  • Dyskolos
    link
    fedilink
    248 months ago

    If you really have to ask such things on the Internet, I really wonder who should ask about whom here.

    Better leave her be. If you feel that vastly intelectually superior, that relationship would be purely based on mere looks and your physical attraction. What are you? 12? No offence meant.

  • @Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml
    link
    fedilink
    24
    edit-2
    8 months ago

    Go for it, she seems like she’s on your level.

    Maybe she can even teach you not to make life decisions based on fascist pseudoscience.

      • @Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml
        link
        fedilink
        2
        edit-2
        8 months ago

        IQ was made to find out who the worst-performing student in a class was, and then immediately became about deciding who to sterilize.

        Use in a classroom setting is questionable enough as is, but when applied in a general sense to other things, that’s fascist pseudoscience.

    • @sunbeam60@lemmy.one
      link
      fedilink
      58 months ago

      But with great respect, the question isn’t about a supposed measured level of IQ. OP is just saying “she don’t seem all that smart, guv’nor” and use the term IQ as a short hand for this. I doubt OP has sat down and asked this girl to do an official IQ test. Not sure why this immediately has to descend into a discussion about fascism and white supremacy.

      • @banana_meccanicaOP
        link
        08 months ago

        No that’s not what I said. Specifically, it is not a secret to me or her an official disability certification by doctors that concerns a low intelective quotient, it is not the banality that many users have understood as an offence, here we talk about disability.

  • @Saigonauticon@voltage.vn
    link
    fedilink
    English
    238 months ago

    A lesson that took me a long time to learn, and at terrible personal cost, is that being smart doesn’t matter very much. I was good at academic stuff as a kid, so tons of adults told me that was the most important thing ever, and I’ve come to realize that was wrong of them.

    Let’s say, as a fictional example, that I’m top 1% of the population in terms of some abstract measure of intelligence (IQ is an awful one, but let’s not get caught up on that). If no one values time spent with people on a lower rung, not only can I not spend time with the people below me on the curve, but people higher won’t spend time with me. That gives me such a tiny fraction of the population I can interact with, it’s absurd! Meanwhile, people smarter than me are still common enough that I’d encounter several a day – I’m hardly exceptional enough to be terribly important. What a lonely life that would be!

    So three further lessons I’ve learned, and I think these are important, go something like this:

    1. Intellectual challenges are not scarce. They are a dime a dozen, I can invent them myself inside my head, or pick any number of other problems online. Sometimes I can get paid to solve them, whatever. So I don’t need more people to give me those. What’s really valuable are the people that challenge you to grow, to become more. It doesn’t take intelligence to look you in the eyes when you’re being a smartass, and ask you “Do you want to be right, or helpful?”.
    2. Better to look for (and learn from) people who are kind and wise than who are smart. The opposite of a great truth is another great truth, the opposite of wisdom and kindness are substantially less desirable.
    3. The harshest lessons in life are always when you trust the wrong person. Harsher still, is when this person was yourself. So it’s wise to enter all relationships carefully – with respect, I don’t think the fact you are thinking about this beforehand is wrong, but your focus might be misplaced. I’m just a stranger on the Internet though.
    • @PeepinGoodArgs@reddthat.com
      link
      fedilink
      58 months ago

      Better to look for (and learn from) people who are kind and wise than who are smart. The opposite of a great truth is another great truth, the opposite of wisdom and kindness are substantially less desirable.

      I used to think being an asshole was justified if could back it up with the reasoning required to demonstrate you were actually better at reasoning than others.

      Then I grew up and had to deal with those folks (and was exposed to Ben Shapiro). Good reasoning is useful in certain circumstances. Much, much better to invest in emotional intelligence and developing the ability to care about other people than not.

    • @banana_meccanicaOP
      link
      -78 months ago

      Should I start a more intimate relationship? Does anyone have similar experiences? Can this difference of intelligence create unpleasant situations for both of us?

      • @David_Eight@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        88 months ago

        Probably not. Does it bother you now, would you be embarrassed by her because of it? If yes, then definitely don’t.

        • @banana_meccanicaOP
          link
          -3
          edit-2
          8 months ago

          I wonder if other qualities can overcome this, if perhaps intelligence in a relationship does not need (i have never had a relationship)

          • Helix 🧬
            link
            fedilink
            118 months ago

            i have never had a relationship

            Based on your posts I’d recommend you take what you can get and not judge a book by its cover.

            Hope you’re not rejected by someone you feel superior to, as this can lead to your personality to be even less likeable than currently.

            Back to topic: why do you ask people who don’t even know her?

          • @David_Eight@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            78 months ago

            What matters at the end of the day is wether you truly care for each other and wether you’re both happy. There’s a possibility that it would work out and a possibility that it wouldn’t. Your romantic partner doesn’t necessarily need to meet all your needs, intellectualy or otherwise.

            Seeing as you don’t have any relationship experience I say go for it. There’s no harm in taking someone on a date. In fact that’s the point of going on dates, to know people better so you can decide if you want to pursue a relationship.

      • If she consents to having a more intimate relationship and you’re operating in good faith, cool.

        If neither one of those things is true, just let it go dude.

  • Call me Lenny/Leni
    link
    fedilink
    English
    98 months ago

    One of my few friends has an intelligent quotient that is just above the lower limit for regularity. You can kind of see it, not in a forest gump way but a kind of absent-minded way, having a good memory but not much else. That doesn’t change much though; with his compassion, exceptional specialties, and surprising cunning, you would only notice if you put him outside his comfort zone. He’s also trustworthy as a result of his shortcomings, if you want to include a benefit in there.

    “If intelligence is the size of a glass, knowledge is how much liquid you fill in it, and wisdom is what liquid you choose, what do you care about more? Choose wisely.” ~ Him, just now

  • @TokenBoomer@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    88 months ago

    Are we talking casual sex or long term relationship? If it’s long term, I think you answered your own question. If it’s a fling, you may feel like you’re taking advantage of her. But I’m just a simple caveman, your box full of lights frightens me.

    • @banana_meccanicaOP
      link
      18 months ago

      Yes the feeling to taking advantage is something, not casual sex or long term, i’m talking about the beginning.

      • @TokenBoomer@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        28 months ago

        I’ve been on some wild dates. My car broke down and I had a shotgun drawn when asking for help. On a first date with another girl, we drove to the top of a mountain to look at the city. There were about 5 guys drinking there and they made sexual comments about my date. She asked if I was gonna defend her? I told her I wasn’t going to the hospital when I had just met her. She wasn’t the one.

        • @banana_meccanicaOP
          link
          -68 months ago

          Thanks for sharing, not exactly the kind of lack of intellect I was talking about, but I understand what you mean. The girl I’m talking about wouldn’t be able to understand that some drunk boys are offending us, maybe she would smile thinking that everything is going well.

          • @TokenBoomer@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            78 months ago

            I think I was trying to convey that relationships are an investment. And if you aren’t getting reciprocal intellectual or emotional support, it’s not likely to work out long term. But you’ll need to do what’s best for you.

  • @MrAlternateTape@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    38 months ago

    I always feel like whenever somebody is making the specific point that they are so much smarter compared to somebody else they are just boasting their own trumpet.

    Maybe you are smarter, Maybe you are not. Who cares? Are you developed on an emotional level to a point where you can deal with both so called smart and so called dumb people?

    If you stop thinking about how smart people around you are and start working with them you’ll learn to get around through life.

    If you like the girl, go for it. If you think she is not smart enough, let her go. But always respect people, because that is what they will remember about you.

    And I personally learned that everyone you meet has the potential to surprise you because they think just a little different. Enjoy the variety, enjoy the challenge of communicating what you mean on different levels.

    • @banana_meccanicaOP
      link
      18 months ago

      Means that when talking together there is a lack of sharing and as an answer you receive only monosyllables as: Yes, no or OK.

      • @jeffw@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        38 months ago

        Maybe she doesn’t want to talk to you? Or she’s just quiet, has social anxiety, etc. a million explanations. Not sure why you’re assuming intelligence of someone who you don’t know that well.

        • @banana_meccanicaOP
          link
          08 months ago

          I’m not assuming, she showed up saying she had an intellectual decifict, a certified disability. I am a volunteer and I can recognize people with a disability, it is not the fantasy or stereotype any, this person lives in a reality of disability. Is that clear? is it possible that it is not clear and should be an impression? We talk everyday, the disabled exist, are certified and recognize. I like her, she’s sweet and pretty, not quiet, not anxiety, as a friend she’s perfect, her intellectual disability is not relevant, but in an intimate relationship I think there are other considerations, so the question.

          • @jeffw@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            28 months ago

            There are so many red flags here. And yes, I know ID exists, I used to work with the population. You don’t sound like you respect this person though.

      • @PeepinGoodArgs@reddthat.com
        link
        fedilink
        18 months ago

        Do you give her a chance to talk?

        I don’t get intellectual stimulation from my SO usually, to whom I’m married. Originally, I thought she was kinda dumb. Turns out, the stuff I find fascinating she finds intensely boring. And the stuff she finds fascinating I find absolutely disgusting. Like I’m getting an MBA and she’s getting a masters in midwifery.

        For you, giving her a chance to talk about the things she finds interesting might help you discover where her strengths are, where she feels comfortable.

        • @banana_meccanicaOP
          link
          18 months ago

          I think we are at different levels of understanding, as many other users cannot see what is the intellectual disability is. I’ve known this person for almost eight weeks,we talk everyday, she’s not stupid, she doesn’t do anything stupid, but she has an intellectual disability.

          • @PeepinGoodArgs@reddthat.com
            link
            fedilink
            English
            38 months ago

            One word answers for any amount of time doesn’t itself suggest an intellectual disability though.

            What else does she do? What is she interested in?

  • @Jeraxus@lemmy.sdf.org
    link
    fedilink
    1
    edit-2
    8 months ago

    It’s kinda unrelated to your question but actually IQ have no much link with intelligence.

    To come back to your question idk. I can’t give relationship advices, but it’s always interesting to learn to know peoples deeper especially if she really is that different of peoples you know.

    Maybe you can give it a shot or try to befriend her instead. Again I’m misplaced to give relationship advices, just see these as ideas, maybe bad maybe good.