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BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her]@hexbear.net to technology@hexbear.netEnglish ·
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13 days ago

OpenAI is offering a guaranteed minimum return of 17.5%, Bernie Madoff levels of return

hexbear.net

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OpenAI is offering a guaranteed minimum return of 17.5%, Bernie Madoff levels of return

hexbear.net

BountifulEggnog [it/its, she/her]@hexbear.net to technology@hexbear.netEnglish ·
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13 days ago
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https://www.reuters.com/business/openai-sweetens-private-equity-pitch-amid-enterprise-turf-war-with-anthropic-2026-03-23/

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  • FnordPrefect [comrade/them, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    porky-happy Wow! 17.5% is really something! *Invests $1,000,000,000* I can’t wait for my $1,175,000,000!

    side-eye-1 That’s, uh, not quite what we meant…

    porky-happy Oh right, more, because of compounding interest! So how much should I expect to walk away with?

    side-eye-2 $175,000,000

    porky-scared-flipped What’s this nonsense?!

    side-eye-1side-eye-2 17.5%

    • UmbraVivi [he/him, she/her]@hexbear.net
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      13 days ago

      (Zac Oyama Voice) I’ll take your 100k and turn it into seventeen-thousand dollars

    • chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      13 days ago

      Similar returns to buying a crate of beer and returning the cans.

    • Mindfury [he/him]@hexbear.net
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      13 days ago

      it’s a 17.5% return of investment, not on investment saul-your-honor

  • Chana [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    The fun part is guessing what they’ll do when they absolutely can’t deliver.

    • Bankruptcy (snoozefest but funny)
    • Keep the grift going via state funding (can kicked down the road 6 months)
    • Bailout for finance but not “AI” (I mean, duh)
    • Bailout for “AI”, too (clownworld)
    • chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      13 days ago

      My guess is Microsoft absorbs openai sooner or later.

      • GaveUp [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        13 days ago

        Yea Microsoft needs to keep OAI alive somehow or they lose cloud and government contracts to AWS with their Anthropic stake and Google

  • microfiche [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    High yield savings acct - 4-ish percent.
    Index funds - 4 to 5 percent.
    OpenAI-17.5 percent at least.

    Definitely not a scam. Open AI is certainly not robbing Peter to pay Paul. Nope.

    • InevitableSwing [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      13 days ago

      OpenAI, define con artist in two words.

      Sam Altman? Haha. I’m just joking. A con artist is…

    • SootySootySoot [any]@hexbear.net
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      13 days ago

      I understand why it looks suspicious—any system that scales quickly and redistributes returns can resemble something more dubious at a glance. But the structure is transparent, participation is voluntary, and value is created rather than merely shuffled around. It’s not a Ponzi scheme, it’s an aggressively misunderstood networked incentive model!

  • Monk3brain3 [any, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    Openai is hoping to pull off a Bitcoin or Tesla. Pure hype driven growth. Eventually it will all fall apart but personally I’d prefer it the sooner the better

  • volcel_olive_oil [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    “and we’re all getting laid! (off)”

  • mayo_cider [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    They have military contracts now, and in the least the AI drones will be able to match the current accuracy of the military

    And the misses will probably be a bit more equitable, just wait a year and iron dome is bombing tel aviv based on a tweet

    • chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      13 days ago

      Are drones really piloted by LLMs?

      • homhom9000 [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        13 days ago

        Just read a great substack about this but in short no they’re not, but what is is worse:

        https://open.substack.com/pub/artificialbureaucracy/p/kill-chain

        • AernaLingus [any]@hexbear.net
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          13 days ago

          Really insightful article—thank you for sharing! Might wanna make that its own post.

  • chgxvjh [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    Might as well put it on a credit card lol. Well I guess the bank doesn’t let you just borrow 100B dollar.

  • InevitableSwing [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    permanently high plateau vibes

    -–

    Irving Fisher was perhaps the first celebrity economist, but his reputation during his lifetime was irreparably harmed by his public statement, just nine days before the Wall Street Crash of 1929, that the stock market had reached “a permanently high plateau”.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irving_Fisher

    -–

    Edit

    I couldn’t resist…

  • KnilAdlez [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    Bravo raised questions about the long-term profit profile of joint ventures with OpenAI and Anthropic, adding that many of its portfolio companies are already deploying AI tools, the person said.

    Oh that’s perhaps the saddest part of this. They are already forcing their businesses to use these products and it’s nowhere near enough for this AI shit to be profitable.


  • SootySootySoot [any]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    OpenAI can guarantee you anything you want

    • HexReplyBot [none/use name]@hexbear.netB
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      13 days ago

      I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

      • yewtu.be
      • inv.nadeko.net
      • yt.artemislena.eu
      • piped.video
  • LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    13 days ago

    Did chatPPB crunch these numbers

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